Slackerninja’s Top 5 Video Games of 2009

2009 sucked. i’ve 42, still borrow money from my mom, live out of my parent’s guest room ,my inflatable doll errr girlfriend is contemplating a sex change operation and my cats have never-ending bouts of diarrhea.

Wait what? Oh you wanted to know what my picks for the best video games of 2009 are? Umm…disregard the first paragraph please? Or at least don’t tell anyone or post it on a large online community populated by hardcore gamers? That’s great. Cool. So where was I…

Ahh yes, 2009 was a good year for games. We saw sequels to Assassin’s Creed, Modern Warfare, Halo, Street Fighter and Resident Evil to name a few but to me it was the new games that stood out from the crowd. And while our fearless leader is right for stating that it has been a bad year for new IP in terms of volume but the quality of the precious few that released are worth their weight in Mr. Zurkons. Having said that, here’s my top five video games of 2009:

5. Demon’s Souls : Tough as hell, unapologetically old school and brutal enough to make New Year’s Eve traffic seem like an hour at a strip club. Demon’s Souls has no concept of an easy mode, in fact it gets tougher every time you die.The stellar level design, art-direction and quirky online modes just ease it ever so slightly. However play responsibly and you’d be rewarded handsomely not only with some sweet loot but with immense satisfaction as well. Play it like a button-masher and you’d believe that if Demon’s Souls was a person it would be Chuck Norris because it’s chief export is pain. Definitely the RPG of choice for the discerning, borderline sadistic PS3 owner. Or just me.

4. Killzone 2: In a year that’s seen Halo and Modern Warfare 2 hit the shelves, Killzone 2 seemed like this odd, unrepentant beast forcing you to embrace its set control scheme, industrial environs, outlandish setting and tough as nails AI. Not to mention one of the better plots around, some sweet weaponry and pretty neat characters. And yes, graphically it looked and still looks awesome. What it lacks in shooter heritage of the aforementioned titles it makes up for in great multiplayer, highly polished gameplay and one of the most “WTF” moments in an FPS this year.

3. Bayonetta: Sure it’s supposed to hit Indian stores by January 8th 2010 but the point is the Japanese version has been available for the longest time. But is it good enough to be on this list you ask? Let’s put it this way, any action game that features a sexy librarian looking witch who pummels the crap out of angels with dual wielding pistols attached to her heels and has hair that transforms into a dragon that devours them whole is a shoe-in to be on any list if not on number one ’nuff said.

2. Batman Arkham Asylum : Perhaps one of the few games of the year that had its pacing bang on target. Brilliant scripting, awe-inspiring boss battles and a level of gameplay so refined that it made the delay not only forgivable but mandatory. Be it merely exploring every nook and cranny of Arkham Asylum or living one of the Scare Crow’s nefarious nightmares this is one superhero game that reeks of pure unadulterated awesome. For once donning the role of a man wearing his underwear over his pants seemed extremely cool and not to mention desirable.

1. Dragon Age: Origins: Earlier in the year Marilyn Manson and BioWare asked us if we were’ready for the new sh*t?’ and for large portion of the year my face gravitated towards my palms whenever the it was mentioned. It’s a good thing the game was nothing like its promotions. Dragon Age: Origins is one of those rare games I’m going to find myself going back to time and time again with a myriad of gameplay choices, customization options and soul sucking replay value. For underneath the nifty Eclipse engine (which does more than have a gratuitous fetish for blood stains mind you) lies a story so poignant, characters so deep and a world so immersive that it left me wondering why the hell don’t we have more games like these?

So there you have it folks, my top 5 games of 2009. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a doll errr…person to operate on. Or something.

Tags: 2009, arkham asylum, batman, bayonetta, best of, best of 2009, Cats, demon's souls, dragon age: origins, indian video gamer, inflatable doll, ivg, killzone 2, lists, mr. zurkon, PC, ps3, ratchet and clank, top 5, top lists, unemployment, video games, Xbox 360