Stuff I hate

29 Dec

Okay so maybe hate is too strong a word. Or maybe it isn’t. I can’t make up my mind. Or can I? Either way, read on and tell me.

1. The Sound of Music: A World War 2 movie without Hitler, occult or zombies? No blood, gore or gibs either?! Sounds preposterous. Then I realized it won big at the Oscars. Hilarious for a movie that has actors that can’t even pronounce their own names, let alone act.Which leads me to believe that the Academy Awards is run by a bunch of trolls. Except for the year LOTR won big.

2. DSLR Users: Dear Camera Newbs, just because your great grandmom’s cat who passed away pawed you into its will doesn’t mean you’d waste that ill-earned money by buying a sophisticated piece of photographic equipment. But being the ignorant pile of turd that you are, you definitely will. Heck blowing a wad of dough on one of them seems fine after we discover that all you do with it is hang it around your neck like some ancient Egyptian fertility symbol in the hopes of getting laid. That and taking 20350346436 pictures a second of a dog pissing.

3. BlackBerry Boys, Butches and Bitches: Before I get flamed for hating on what is apparently the most awesome device of the century, I bring before you transcripts of what went down at Research In Motion before they launched the mother of all annoyances:

Scientist 1: Hey let’s create a phone with superlative email support.

Scientist 2: Sounds epic! Let’s do it.

Scientist 1: Let’s add IM too!

Scientist 2: And our own variant of it usable to BlackBerry owners. Let’s call it BlackBerry Messenger. That’s always on!

Scientist 1: Yes, and you can’t switch off but only uninstall.

Scientist 2: Perfect!

Scientist 1: Dude, I think we’re on the verge of creating the ultimate stalking tool…

Scientist 2: Nonsense! Marketing will spin it so the fools will think it’s the discrete way to get booty calls.

And that my friends, is why your friends have themselves surgically attached to their CrackBerries at every possible instance. I rest my case.

4. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. : Rachel isn’t hot. Phoebe isn’t funny. Ross is a whiny little bitch who should blog (ironic yes?). Joey is a female bimbo (yes you read that right). Monica is psychotic. Chandler is okay because he likes Fallout in real life. Oh did I mention that the show has been off the air for almost seven years now? Indian TV channels please note. We don’t need this filth still polluting our airwaves. One generation of people spewing “Smelly Cat” memes and sporting the “Rachel” hairdo is enough.

The world would be a better place without these things. But who cares about that? If these didn’t exist you wouldn’t have a blog post from me would you?

Now Listening To: Feeder – Descend