It’s 5 AM on a Sunday morning. I’m in a dimly lit bathroom. Sitting on the pot, my feet mix freely with my own vomit which was my meal not more than 20 minutes ago. It resembles noodles, swimming in my own stomach fluids. A culmination of the last couple of weeks to be precise. There’s been a wedding in the family complete with delusional parents, a grandparent getting a blood transfusion, an issue of T3 being closed by just 3 people, conspiratorial “friends” and yes, a little too much alcohol. Even for my liking. Quite apt then that I’ve managed to get all that drama out of my system. Even if it was at the cost of some instant noodles.
My left toe is stubbed. The nail split in half, bleeding. The blood marries my puke. You can barely tell the difference after a few moments. I’m just tired. Actually, tired doesn’t begin to explain how brutally exhausted I feel. I’m wallowing in more than just my own filth, dirt and plasma. And I’m doing more than just wallowing. Try drowning. At some level this seems completely palapable. Even normal.
After what seems like an eternity I manage to pull myself up, turn the shower knob and wash it all away. The noodles put up fierce resistance at the drain. Much like I do under the cold shower. It’s freezing, seems alien and foreboding. But it’s done. Before I know it I’m on my mattress. Sleep doesn’t come easy though, I’m awake every hour. On the hour.
And all this while I’m thinking. It’s as if every single thing that pissed the living daylights out of me in the last couple of weeks created a rift in my thought process so much so that there was so much more clarity in thought than I’ve had in the last four years. I could feel a warm glow when there was none. A calm voice keeping nerves at bay. It was…interesting.
This could be the start of something exceptional. Or my years of hedonism are finally catching up with me leading me to absolute and total craziness. Either way, this should be fun if not completely vague and almost totally indescribable. It’s amazing what a pack of poisonous noodles can do for you apart from well, poisoning you.
Now Listening To: 13 & God – Superman on Ice