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EPIC AWESOME MEGA COLLECTOR’S ULTIMATE LIMITED CHOCOLATE RAIN UPDATE EDITION!

11 Mar

February’s been epic. So epic in fact that it warranted the use of all those words in the title. So epic that it needed to be done in caps. So epic that i’m typing this post on a Tuesday night (more than a week after i should have)when i should be out what with it being a holiday on Wednesday and yes, so epic that it makes me feel that i have some semblance of a life. But i digress….

1. Weddings are funny.Even more so when its between a woman and a coffee pot. But they can be stiflingly formal as well. So much so that you’re left with not much of an option but to leave as soon as physically possible and ruminate about how other affairs are more relaxed-to-the-point-of-sedated.

2. Luck By Chance was made out of old rejected reels of Nescafe commercials, overtly bright and cheery. Redeemed only by an ending that said anything but “…and they lived happily ever after”.

3. Unexpected visits from forum trolls are awesome. Especially when it involves chugging down copious amounts of beer and the aforementioned troll pissing off a DJ so much so that he ends up playing a crassy Britney Spears tune.

4. Expected visits from certain old school friends are even more awesome because they include taking his case in FIFA 08 (FC Hamburger 3 – Barcelona 0) but are in equal amounts, sad because the aforementioned friend was as free as a suspected terrorist held at Guantanamo Bay.

5. Valentine’s Day.

6. The Superman Diaries which ended with this interesting bit:

Friend: Dude, something happened.
Rishi: Awesome! You scored?!
Friend: No man, something funny!
Rishi: Tell me bro! Tell me!
Friend: Later man. When we meet.
Rishi: Aight, luckily i know a certain person who you wouldn’t like reading my blog…
Friend: Fuck off.
Rishi: Seriously. Tell me or else….
Friend: No man. There are people around.
Rishi: Okay. Time to log in to Orkut. Hmmm…what’s that name of a friend i wanted to add…Oh yeah..
Friend: Fine. i’ll tell you. i’ll tell you. So she and i were joking around. i told her,”If you want to fly use Visa Power. Go get it.”and then she said, “No i can hold on to you.”
Rishi: Dude…
Friend: What?
Rishi: That was it? Lame. Anyway you’re boned. She’ll know of a few incriminating blog posts soon. i suggest running. Fast.
Friend: Bastard.

7. Bowling+ Old School Video Game Arcade+Cold Hazelnut Chocolate = Fun and Janak Shah making classic statements like, “I have been felt!”(yes said with an interjection) when stating his general opinion in a conversation that unfortunately doesn’t chronicle the crowded, messed up trains.

8. When an insistent friend suggests having more beer, you should kick him in the face and steal his money because the actual outcome is quite bad and almost retarded. So much so that his mom calls to complain about his drunkeness. After three mugs of beer. Only.

9. Finally, birthday parties are brilliant when they involve copious amounts of beer, long island ice teas, kamikaze shots and good friends. Add a couple of cameras, a beach and 2 semi-sober people and you have a recipe for disaster. Oh and a plastic bag for puking too.

Now Listening To: Blink 182 – The Party Song (purley coincidential)

The Superman Diaries, Part II

2 Mar

For those of you unaware of this epic trilogy in two parts (at the moment), go here.

Friend: So yeah, Abhay’s coming over.

Rishi: Nice. Jam session?

Friend: Yes, you know, after she’s started calling me Superman, i’ve wanted to so record a jam session with that Superman* song. The one that goes “If I go crazy now will you call me Superman….

Rishi: …if I’m alive and well won’t you be there holding my hand? I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might, my kryptonite. Yeahhhh!”,oh that song? You’re sure she’s your co-worker right?

Friend: Yes.

Rishi: Cool. While you’re at it, you can ask her if she likes your undies on the inside or not.

Friend: Bastard.

Five minutes into the conversation

Friend: You know when she started to call me Superman, i wanted to ask her just one thing.

Rishi: What?

Friend: I wanted to ask her, “If I’m Superman, would you like me to use x-ray vision on you?”

Rishi: Bastard.

*For those of you who have been in cryogenic stasis and just woke up, this is the song in question. Epicness at its best. Oh and the video is pretty bad ass too:

Yeah, yeah, oh yeah…

1 Mar

Rishi: Speaking of Jane’s Addiction, check out their track, Superhero. Awesome stuff.

Friend: Don’t remind me of Superhero. My co-worker, she calls me Superman.

Rishi: Um…so, she wants to see you wear your underwear on the outside?

Friend: The following dialogue was too vulgar to represent on this blog.

Now Listening To: The Killers – This is the World That We Live In

With Friends Like These.

23 Feb
Along Nariman Point, Saturday Evening:
Friend: Rishi, did you watch Slumdog Millionaire?
Rishi: No i read the book. We already had this conversation.
Friend: You’re an asshole. Tomorrow i’ll ask you “Rishi did you have sex”, and you’ll say ,”No i read the kama sutra.”
Rishi: ….
Now Listening To: Sonata Arctica – My Selene

Mad Month

1 Feb

January was hilarious for a multitude of reasons.

It’s a month where a lot of companies do some cleaning. And like all superlative cleaners, they wash out their dirty laundry and throw out unwanted clutter (read: ineffective workforce) leading to having a social life that was so dead it would make a morgue seem like a playschool filled with overcaffienated toddlers.

But i did have my fair share of fun, be it at my expense or that of others such as:

1. Attending a friend’s bachelor party where the wildest thing done was playing Rock Band (nailed Beastie Boys’ Sabotage on my first attempt singing it). It would’ve been an arrestable offence in some countries so it counts as something wild done at a bachelor party. Which also goes to show that our social structure invented the word pathetic.

2. Spending an entire meeting where the agenda solely involved browsing through a website filled with bikini babes.

3. “They called you for a reason, some people don’t want cheese in their sub because they get everything else with it , but people like me, well, I pay Rs. 10 extra for the cheese, you’re like the cheese, you’re the sub of the day so you should go with them boss” – a wise friend giving me his logic for accepting a friend’s invitation to a movie with her better half.

4. ” The best reason not to be in a relationship is having to shop for sanitary pads. For her dog.” – the aforementioned pal spouting pearls of wisdom in favor of singledom.

5. Bumping into the previously mentioned random chick at an acquaintance’s party. Mistook her for a really nice looking gal for a nano-second before i moved in closer and realized that it was too late. Before i could eject from any conversation i was drowning in a cesspool of dialogue that invovled whiney exes and apparent lack of talent recognition by college professors. Quite weird things to be talking about considering i’m seeing this person after around 2 years.

Things got even hairier because all throughout i was peppered with text messages of encouragement by my brethren to “go for it” and “la-la-la-la”. Sure. It’s like asking Hannibal to turn vegetarian or Amy Winehouse to turn sober. Note to self: dark, dingy bars are not the best places to approach members of the opposite sex.

And finally:

6. “Roses are red, 
      Violets are blue,
      I am an idiot, that is so true, 
      Defects get closed, 
      They also rejected, 
      But my behaviour towards you was highly regretted,
      Gonna say good night because i have no choice
      Wishing you a dream as sweet as your voice”

      “Dude, you grew a vagina overnight.”

Conversation with the same friend mentioned in no. 3 and 4 who can also be termed as an attention whore, sending that piece of sophisitcated haiku off to a colleague at work who he had some sort of a tiff with. Now she thinks he’s a stalker.

That more or less sums up my colossally hectic month. Or at least parts worth mentioning. i think.

Now Listening To: Muse – Knights of Cydonia

Comic of Pure Win!

24 Dec

i can’t wait for Street Fighter IV to come out. That aside, good times ahead, got a killer party scene to look forward to. Lots of old college friends to meet, and those i rather not too.

Now Listening To: Plastilina Moss – Let U Know

For Immediate Release: Official Correspondence

11 Apr

Dear friends, gargoyles, orcs and witches,

The Emirate of h3lios would like to thank you for all your support and kind wishes towards his royal highness, h3lios the 1st in his time of need.

However his majesty beseeches that you desist from asking him questions like, “Are you alright?” or “How are you doing?”, as it makes him feel, in his own words, “lame”. Rather than bore you with my verbose, dry, formal slurs (as his godlikeness calls it) here is a statement from his majesty himself:


Sup people,

It would be uber-sweet if you’d, you know, stop asking me, stuff like me being okay and crap.

Sure i know you guys care and all that, but asking me those questions routinely makes me feel like some sort of emo-goth kid high on substances like My Chemical Romance, writing poems about death and the futility of life with my own blood that i slit from my wrists to know what pain feels like.

Since i’ve grossed you folks out sufficiently, i know you’d kindly do the needful.

Peace Out,
h3lios the 1st
Ruler of the Emirate of h3lios


Now that you’ve heard from his righteousness , i’d like to state that the normal programming on this blog is up and running. The apparently grotesque (though brilliantly functional) template you see right now is just a placeholder till his majesty decides on something more tasteful.

Thank you for your time and patience,

orpheus
Keeper of Sanity, Emirate of h3lios


Conversation of the Day

20 Mar

Rishi: That’s a HOT photo of you for your editor’s column.

An0 (blushes): Thank you Rishi.

Rishi: Yeah man, kudos to the airbrusher and photoshop.

Now Listening To: The Strokes – Modern Age

Two Worlds

13 Mar
So it was a night out with some friends. And a decent one at that. There was music,coffee and cake. More than enough for all. Surprisingly though it was at a nearby coffee shop rather than at a bar.

There was a good conversation. The type where you can actually hear the person next to you rather than shout your lungs out over the cacophony that is the DJ playing some song that has weird lyrics such as, “This is what it feels to fuck on cocaine”, in a place where poseurs, head bang to crap like Bon Jovi.

It’s amazing how such surroundings can feel like bliss at first, maybe it has something to do with the copious amounts of alcohol consumed that warms people up to the prospect of the night of debauchery that ensues.

One could argue that it’s the best way to make friends and keep them, by seeing them devolve (or in some cases, evolve) with the help of a beer or ten, but are they really being themselves or grossly exaggerated caricatures of what they actually are? Is this what you want to take home with you after a night of “socializing”? A hangover of castrating proportions and a cloud of “what the fuck happened?” looming over your head?

Well it’s a case of two worlds. One where you can actually get to know a person, gauge how they are with all your faculties alive and present rather than being dulled. And another where all you might remember is the color of the vomit you excreted while doing a coyote ugly on the table. Both leading to equally memorable moments (depending on your level of sobriety).

The question is, what would you choose?

Now Listening To: Panic At The Disco – Nine In The Afternoon

Hiatus in Pictures.

18 Jan














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