January was hilarious for a multitude of reasons.
It’s a month where a lot of companies do some cleaning. And like all superlative cleaners, they wash out their dirty laundry and throw out unwanted clutter (read: ineffective workforce) leading to having a social life that was so dead it would make a morgue seem like a playschool filled with overcaffienated toddlers.
But i did have my fair share of fun, be it at my expense or that of others such as:
1. Attending a friend’s bachelor party where the wildest thing done was playing Rock Band (nailed Beastie Boys’ Sabotage on my first attempt singing it). It would’ve been an arrestable offence in some countries so it counts as something wild done at a bachelor party. Which also goes to show that our social structure invented the word pathetic.
2. Spending an entire meeting where the agenda solely involved browsing through a website filled with bikini babes.
3. “They called you for a reason, some people don’t want cheese in their sub because they get everything else with it , but people like me, well, I pay Rs. 10 extra for the cheese, you’re like the cheese, you’re the sub of the day so you should go with them boss” – a wise friend giving me his logic for accepting a friend’s invitation to a movie with her better half.
4. ” The best reason not to be in a relationship is having to shop for sanitary pads. For her dog.” – the aforementioned pal spouting pearls of wisdom in favor of singledom.
5. Bumping into the previously mentioned random chick at an acquaintance’s party. Mistook her for a really nice looking gal for a nano-second before i moved in closer and realized that it was too late. Before i could eject from any conversation i was drowning in a cesspool of dialogue that invovled whiney exes and apparent lack of talent recognition by college professors. Quite weird things to be talking about considering i’m seeing this person after around 2 years.
Things got even hairier because all throughout i was peppered with text messages of encouragement by my brethren to “go for it” and “la-la-la-la”. Sure. It’s like asking Hannibal to turn vegetarian or Amy Winehouse to turn sober. Note to self: dark, dingy bars are not the best places to approach members of the opposite sex.
And finally:
6. “Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I am an idiot, that is so true,
Defects get closed,
They also rejected,
But my behaviour towards you was highly regretted,
Gonna say good night because i have no choice
Wishing you a dream as sweet as your voice”
“Dude, you grew a vagina overnight.”
Conversation with the same friend mentioned in no. 3 and 4 who can also be termed as an attention whore, sending that piece of sophisitcated haiku off to a colleague at work who he had some sort of a tiff with. Now she thinks he’s a stalker.
That more or less sums up my colossally hectic month. Or at least parts worth mentioning. i think.
Now Listening To: Muse – Knights of Cydonia
