We are anonymous. We are Legion. For each that falls, ten shall take his place.
We do not forgive. We do not forget. We are everywhere and we are nowhere. We cannot be found. We cannot be fought. We cannot be counted. We cannot be named.
Unless we post this message on a public blog or forum on which our personal details exist. Oh shi…!!!
True story. Happened 2 months earlier than the time stamp though.
Every now and then events lead you to get rid of a clusterfuck of items that are in your possession. Luckily most of mine are digital. However I’m of the firm belief that one man’s (soon to be) discarded emotional, digital baggage is another’s unadulterated playhouse of euphoria. So I have up for grabs the following items in my possession:
1. How I Met Your Mother – 120 episodes
2. Dexter – 56 episodes
3. Assorted Indie Music – 15 songs or so
4. Random chat logs, text logs and emails – too many to count
5. A single someecards.com account
6. Ability to read Terry Pratchett’s books
7. Tolerance to listen to Beirut’s music
While I can very easily delete most of the above items permanently, I feel that should be the very last step given that it could save someone some bandwidth and perhaps add some giggles to what is usually a drab, humdrum life. The reason for getting rid of these things isn’t because they cause me any soul decaying grief but simply because they’ve outlived their usefulness a long time ago and I need to clean out my personal and mental space for the new awesome.
That and, more free hard drive space is always welcome.
In other words, this is my way of saying to the world, “Bring it on!”, preferably in a voice like Batman or Rorschach because I think that I can play a brutal, dark anti-hero who feeds kidnappers to their own dogs, cripple mob bosses and pets kittens but I digress…
Interested parties can transfer an amount of their choosing to my PayPal account which is areyoufuckingkiddingmewiththisexcuseofapostyoutwat [at] slackerninja [dot] com. Items would be shipped via inter-dimensional wormhole or Diagon Alley.
Your PC, Right Now- Slackerninja’s Freestyle Dojo announces Slackerninja’s return. With the fury of a thousand uppity John Cleese’s melting down in classic Fawlty Towers rage everyone’s favorite slacker and ninja makes his much awaited return to the blogosphere after a much needed hiatus due to a wide range of issues that he needed to tackle namely work woes, women, alcohol and all the trappings that usually lead to the downfall of up and coming artists. Also, lack of time to blog and an overdose of micro-blogging aka Twitter.
Since he’s put these problems behind him he will be back regularly with a lot of venom and vigor than expected from a jaded six year blogger who’s seen it all from rick rolls to flame wars and even the occasional civil conversation. Internet drama aside he’s had an eventful year with a job switch, more games than you can shake a stick at, realizations about the company he keeps and enough liquor to make Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse and the entire cast of Jersey Shore appear sober (yes, that much).
“Yes he’s back and he’s got a lot to say. In fact at the moment he’s prepping new material for the upcoming 7th season and he’s asked me to read out this statement to all you fans:
We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
We’ve know each other for so long
Your heart’s been aching
But you’re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what’s been going on
We know the game and we’re gonna play it
And if you ask me how I’m feeling
Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
He also asked me to say,”You got rickrolled!”…sonofa..” were the last words Rishi Alwani said as he burst into an almost cataclysmic rage and entered a state of catatonic shock.
Slackerninja’s new season begins now and welcomes all and sundry. Geeks, gamers, hot women preferred.
About SLACKERNINJA
SLACKERNINJA’s Freestyle Dojo and Parallel Universe is a leading developer, publisher and manufacturer of internet trolling, geekery and failed attempts at comedy, writing and awesome. Slackerninja’s likes include video games, anime, movies, almost every kind of music and ranting.The latest information about SLACKERNINJA can be found on the web at www.slackerninja.com. SLACKERNINJA is a publicly traded person based in Mumbai with subsidiary offices on twitter (@slackerninja) and facebook (facebook.com/slackerninja). SLACKERNINJA CORPORATION is traded on the internet under the ticker symbol AWESOME. Details of the products published by SLACKERNINJA can be found at www.slackerninja.com.
It slaughters the mind. It really does. And it explains a lot.
Ladies and gentlemen. I suffer from an incurable disease.
I am, for the lack of a better term, an absolute douche. I’m extremely condescending to almost everyone I meet. I am extremely cynical, skeptical and paranoid to the point where if I was probably born several years earlier, I’d have coined and perfected the term “Big Brother” before Orwell would even get down to writing the book. And to the fact that I’m the moodiest person you’d have the pleasure of meeting makes me a bundle of joy to deal with.
Did I mention I’m the paragon of sarcasm? Well I did now.
But you know what? None of these habits irritate me too much. None of them at all. Except one.
No, it’s not the fabled deviance and manipulation all of you talk about behind my back, not that, that’s most Machiavellian and therefore most endearing of the bunch. No.
It’s just this one nasty habit, that drains the immense reservoirs of self-replicating caffeine glands that reside in me.
I have this annoying habit of writing and rewriting, this annoying ghastly ability to stop my flow of thoughts good and proper, reread the crap out of it, scrutinize the fuck out of it and then trash it into my drafts folder like a used tampon.
End result, I have close to 150-odd drafts or so. I’d like to attribute it to being a goddamn perfectionist but I’d go a step further and say I’m getting more anal than I should to the point where I spend more time criticizing my stuff and junking it. And all of this on my personal blog mind you. Geez no wonder I’m not writing more professionally.
So yes, there you have it, the one single thing about me that drives me bat-fuck insane. Yeah, that and the fact that I plaster toilet seats with enough paper to feed Ethiopia for a millennium.
On the bright side that’s being rectified with this post as it’s not being heavily scrutinized.
The first habit, not the toilet seat one. Just to be clear.
Now Listening To: Staind – Outside
“If you’re going for it, don’t be a hero and just say you’re going for it.”
“Dude, if I were going for it I’d say I was. Heck you’d know if I was. Haven’t you watched any old school Hindi flicks? You CAN TELL who the hero is in one glance.”
Sure the conversation above was in reference to something completely different (which may or may not involve women). But it is apt for my current conundrum. Either way things can get pretty disturbing when you’re told “TRUST ME” in a context that’s purely professional. You can’t tell where some people stand. Even if they apparently have the best intentions.
So yes, the “talk” happened with decibel breakage (mainly from my side) as well leading to more than a few people wondering what was going on cementing my belief that the best of intentions are hindered by compromise and other crap needed to make a system work. Or at least have a semblance of function.
On the bright side I was a recipient of a few hilarious text messages, the best of which was “Lol, coming for lunch?”. Regardless of the outcome, I feel it’s time to level up. There’s so much I want to do. So little time to do it. Too little of it to waste bickering with a bunch of trolls.
Oh and I’m “overly aggressive”.
LOL.
Now Listening To: Bear Lake – You’re Only Waiting
So I think I’ve stumbled upon a solution to my little problem. I put in my papers. Got a haircut. Sampled some fine beer. Yes in that order but in the timespan that would’ve been apt.
Most of the week went by without a hitch what with the bossman a little too busy to question my sudden need for departure. Dreading it though. I find the phrase “we need to talk” the most frightful one in the dictionary right after “we need to talk about your financials”. Fun times ahead. HR’s reaction was typical. Livid, contorted expression followed by the mandatory “I have to tell boss”.
On the bright side I do feel a lot lighter and happier already. Amazing what the mere words “I quit” can do for one’s psyche.
This is going to be interesting what with an appraisal form dropping into my inbox which apparently needs to be filled up. I have a feeling the “suggestions and challenges faced” section is going to rival the Lord of the Rings in length. Unsurprising, given the amount of shit that’s been flying around. But then again, do I really give a damn?
Eight hours to Monday morning, and I’m actually looking forward to the confrontation the week brings. I must be some kind of masochist. You know the type who likes prolonged, draining mental and perhaps even emotional trauma. Fun.
Now Listening To: Bear Lake – You’re Only Waiting
It’s 5: 22 AM.
By the time I’m done typing this post, it’ll be close to 6 AM on a Monday morning if not already past it.
Needless to say, things are pretty messed up if you find yourself in front of your computer screen in a post-sleep, caffeine and Gatorade fueled haze in a vain, almost cursory attempt at trying to be coherent on a blog that has been, of late a dumping ground for perverse jokes and randomness instead of doing the 24465476879346322154667799 other things that do matter in a life span that’s relatively short and useless relative to the great scheme of things in the universe.
Read that last paragraph? 4 lines. One sentence. Good-bye coherency and sense, I barely knew you.
Then again, it joins the ranks of seemingly important, high priority entities that I’ve lost a grip on. I feel directionless, burned out and on the verge of , if not already in, some sick, twisted form of misery and depression.
Amazing isn’t it? Close to 2 years ago I thought I won the proverbial lottery in the most literal sense possible. I was in an industry I loved working on things that mattered and making a difference. Or so I thought.
Right now everything leading up to this moment seems completely disjointed, a rambling Frankenstein-like specimen stitched together by delusions of self-worth. Everything seems to be colored in monotony. Waking up is a chore, getting to work even a bigger one, surviving the day, the biggest of all. And it makes me wonder.
You know that in superhero flicks and comics there’s a prolonged period of struggle before they finally manage to find a way to defeat their villains right? This period of my life seems like those 5-10 pages or the odd thirty minutes of celluloid struggle. On constant loop. A rerun of cheap satire that’s probably keeping some alien race entertained as they’re watching from high above, a comedic filler giving their aspirations of galactic domination a massive boost if this was an indicator of how the rest of humanity pans out.
I’m just tired. Frayed. And seven shades of shit rolled into one convenient package that’s prevented from hitting the fan due to a heady mix of music, video games, anime, coffee and alcohol. But for how long?
There’s only so much an IQ of 160 severed by a dominant right-brain can do. Couple that with a personal life that’s as healthy as a dead person and social life where the high point is getting sloshed on a Saturday night leads me to believe that I need a change. A change of everything. A change from everyone. A change absolutely wholesale.
I need to find a way out. Before life becomes the death of me. Until a suitable solution is found I’ll be busy helping stone golems discover who they were before they became well…stone golems.
Stone Golems. Making hating pigeons cool since forever.
Oh what do you know? It’s 6:40 AM. Am I Nostradamus or what?
Now Listening To: Queens of the Stone Age – In the Fade
Dear blog,
Seems I’ve been spending too much time on Twitter. But don’t fret, it all leads up to moments that are valuable fodder for you and you alone. Oh maybe for the non-existent traversers of the internet who may chance upon this post of sheer awesome. And by awesome I mean a copy-paste a well edited and thought out compilation of what’s been going on in the Twatterverse Twitterverse.
So without further adieu to quote everyone’s favorite electronic duo, HERE WE GO!
‘I complimented her…in a parallel universe.’
‘All you guys are at your phones busy getting anti-social.’
‘I do not call it a pipe. I call it a straw.’
‘We can use profanity at work. That’s fucking awesome!’
“You didn’t “overhear it” someone told it to you!” #GG
“Do something for the kids!!!”
“It’s a Macbook Pro, it’s for PRO users.” #applefans
‘Would you like to taste my tasty nut?”
‘Better than you and your frilly underwear.’ #wtf
I work in a tweet worthy place. RT @gounder Heard at work: @slackerninja, i’m gonna call you tweetie cause you tweat a lot…
” The similarity between life & my left butt cheek…neither are right nor fair.”
“Don’t you know me by now? I’m not soft.”
“The Resident Evil video game did well right? That’s great for a movie based franchise.”
“If you’re a member, bring your member for a 50% discount on services offered”.
“Even if you’re vegetarian you cannot eat without a plate.”
“It has nothing to do with size…I’m telling you man to man”.
So as you can see, it’s all been done for your well-being and all-round epic win. Having said that I shall furnish you with more posts regularly lest you do to me what Elin does to Tiger Woods in Southpark.
Now Listening To: The Chemical Brothers – The Test
Seems that the requisite skills required include hacking Orkut and Gmail, maintaining weight, proficiency in English and be biologically sound ( for procreation and kissing). As long as you don’t click the “I’m feeling lucky” button, you should be good. You might just end up at the Geek epicenter of the Internet.
Now Playing: Foo Fighters – New Way Home
Sometime, just around quitting time, February 18th.
Her: Would you like to see my niece?
Him: How would I see them? You’re wearing pants.
Slackerninja: *facepalm* Dude, that’s actually grounds for sexual harassment.
Him: The parts for harassment are above the knees.
Her: Whaaaa?
Slackerninja: *double facepalm*
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