Tech fails from India

Dell_Fail

If it’s an air guitar why the hell would anyone need a laptop?

FK_Review

Flipkart webcam reviews, penis endorsements, same guy.

HTC_ONE_FAIL_FB

Looks like HTC has their target demographic locked in for the HTC One. Budding slum lords.

Midday_Lumia_Fail

Midday’s reviewers are so thorough that they know for sure how much of a difference 100mAh makes to a phone or so it seems.

Tech2_Fail

Even the cheapest is too expensive for Tech2.

FK_HTCONE_FAIL

Flipkart bundles memory cards with a phone that doesn’t have a slot for one. You know, to remind you what a mistake it was choosing a smartphone with no expandable memory support.

iexpresslol

This “journalist” believes in first hand tech reporting. And by that I mean he’s getting his info from those working in rival publications.

wpfailkrishlol

Why would anyone handling the Windows Phone India account favourite this tweet is beyond me. I guess the person handling the Xbox 360 India Twitter account got promoted.

xbox-360-india-fail

Bonus pic. Even more hilarious given that the console is all but dead in this country anyway.

Oh The Drama: Mass Effect 3 Edition (Spoiler-free)

It was Friday night. Or Saturday morning. Depending which side of the clock you’re more active.

But for me, it was the culmination of a five year journey. An epic adventure that consumed over 300 hours of my life. And at 3AM that day it was all over. Mass Effect 3’s end credits flashed across the screen and that was it. The first thing I did was delete all the 35-odd GB of game installs lying on my Xbox 360 hard drive since the first game’s debut in 2007. Unlike many a fan I didn’t feel the need to rage, troll, throw a bitch fit, fight for a refund or start a petition. Rather, I was overcome with a sense of relief.

You see, being a big RPG fan and by extension, an admirer of BioWare’s work, I was naturally pumped when I first read about this space-faring odyssey in the September 2006 issue of EGM (acquired second hand nonetheless) but over time, I’ve learned that things are never what they’re meant to be. There’s always some form of compromise at the end of it all. In this case, it was BioWare forsaking deeper narrative, culling out characters central to the game to package off as DLC and slap multiplayer on it in order to sell more units. Having been on the business side of things in the industry, I can understand where they were coming from and I guess they weren’t given much of a choice either.

Given that BioWare got bought over by the same company who thought it was a cool idea to turn what was arguably the greatest strategy franchise into an FPS (that too, after buying the studio responsible for said franchise) I was expecting far, far worse. And sure, it was diabolical enough that the game mechanics forced me to play the multiplayer mode for over 20 hours, it was better than expected and even grew on me.

After all, it’s not everyday you get a semi-decent game from the same developers who gave you the steaming pile of turd that was Dragon Age 2. Craptacular characters, bugs galore, recycled dungeons and lame plot, it seemed like a pre-alpha build on release. Keeping that in mind as well, Mass Effect 3 wasn’t that bad a game.

Yes, a little more exposition would have been nice as would a greater emphasis on your choices throughout the trilogy but if a next to negligible portion of my 300 hours of gameplay ended up being rubbish, it would be stupid to hold it against the developers. Considering that we live in an age of disposable, 5-10 minute games, a mammoth, interweaving trilogy in itself is a tremendous feat.

So what I’m getting at is this, after all that has happened in the past what with the debauchery of the Dragon Age series and their parent company’s reputation, now unfairly voted as the worst in America, we could have been treated to something a lot more distasteful than a brief slipshod ending. An Angry Birds mini-game perhaps? Or maybe a mineral management simulation?  The possibilities to mess this up were endless. And as gamers we could have been a little classier about our response. I’d like to believe we’re a better breed than disgrunted Instagram using iPhone fanboys.

Sheer Awesomeness Part II


11:14 PM me: ZOMFG WTF LULZ
FAYBLE IS TEH WINZORZ

11:18 PM Murali: haha how far are you in the game?

11:19 PM me: just asswh00ped the tree troll, on my way to the crucible

11:20 PM Murali: ahhh i just finished that last night.
make sure you finish all the side quests you want to do right after the crucible mission.
me: i had a threesome, forced Alex to commit suicide and have been offing people for the Assassin’s Society

11:21 PM Murali: you’re kidding. lol. you got her to off herself???? HOW?!
me: well if you don’t accept her marriage proposal and give her the note, she kills herself
don’t tell me you actually married her
lol
bros before ….:p

11:22 PM and to make matters more awesome, she becomes a ghost, thinks she can get back with her man and you show up right about then and she realizes she was set up!
Murali: i did :/
me: :D
HAHAHAHAHAHAA

11:23 PM Murali: marry her and everyone is happy. even the ghost :D
see? now you MUST believe i dont drink lol :p
me: fail
Murali: I even got the achievement for leaning to the good side from the start :/

11:24 PM me: fucking pussy
Murali: you’ll get it if you’re consistent with your choices. you should get it if you havent been half assing things and trying to be both :p

11:25 PM me: i’ll get it in awhile
i am working up my evilness
i’ve proposed to people only to off ‘em at the very last minute

11:26 PM my fave killing spots are lakes
Murali: holy crap….
me: :D
i’ve kicked kids, slapped women…yeah
Murali: i even took the trouble to move alex all the way to oakfield so the wives dont meet and bang heads :\
me: to quote an ad
This is Living.

11:27 PM Murali: but how can you sleep at night…. :|
me: i don’t sleep
11:28 PM i seduce barmaids

Murali: point taken.. :|

GamingIndians Mumbai Meet 4.0

The first thing that hits you about GamingIndians Mumbai Meet 4 (GIMM4) is lack of detail and realism. While most next-gen titles have ultra-accurate renditions of everything ranging from wrinkles to turd, GIMM4 employs a more whimsical style due to the nature of its graphics engine. Unlike other games that use the Unreal Engine, the developers at GI have employed their own custom engine nicknamed “Booze and Pizza”, and if your system can handle it, there’s a secret mode unlocked called “Booze, Pizza, Cheech & Chong, Transformers HD”.

On stepping into the in-game world of GIMM4, you’re greeted by its denizens, journeymen like you who’ve travelled near and far to meet like-minded folk. Hosting the festivities is the overlord Sam, who controls the supply of food, games and beer. In Andrew Ryan-esque fashion, he even monitors the activities of all and sundry via digital camera. Due to a touch of tech-n00bness, however, most the data cache on his camera is erased, but its presence more than enough to keep the more friskier bunches in check.

Other titles in this genre have repetitive goals and objectives, making them quite boring to play (Assassin’s Creed, I’m looking at you). The objective of GIMM4 is simple – come, meet up and have a good time. A no-brainer really. With an excellent system of mini-games such as Wii Sports, Soul Calibur 4, FIFA 09, Pure, Guitar Hero 2 and Halo 3, getting by is an absolute blast.

However, the greatest strength of this title is the widened and enhanced roster of characters. Unlike previous instalments in the franchise that had smaller numbers, GIMM4 is probably the biggest in this aspect. And perhaps, the most fun too. From the drunken ramblings of gonekrazy to the team killing antics of THEDIRECTOR, each and every character was awesome to interact with.

Each character has its own unique back-story that further deepens the experience. For instance, Donz being PS3-phobic would not even touch the PS3, while Sam wouldn’t touch the Xbox 360 for being afraid of the same. At the same time you have those with more liberal allegiances such as Markettantrik, who gladly accepted this reviewer’s challenges in Soul Calibur 4 on the PS3 and FNR3 on the 360 and whooped him soundly at both.

If you’re adventurous, you’d try your hand at eight-player free for all Halo 3 with rockets being your only weapon. The sound effects in this mini-game were brilliant, be it the dins of “stop flashing” (which apparently was meant without any innuendos attached) or several succinctly punctuated four and five letter words that would be too brazen to publish, combined with generous dollops of “dude”, “fail”, “nice” and “win”. And if you’ve stocked up on enough power ups (read: booze) you’d be soaring through death matches on Guardian in no time. Due to the nature of the Booze and Pizza engine, this game has been deemed 18+ only.

Much has been talked about the controversial installation limit of GIMM4. Due to the DRM employed by the developers themselves, you could only fire up the game once. And that time was on the 27th of September, 2008, 7 PM onwards. All further attempts yielded this reviewer with self-inflicted rickrolls and exploding hangovers. Such is the nature of the DRM in this title, more severe than others, which at least allow you to install the game three times.

All in all, it’s a brilliant attempt by the guys at GI. Be it expanding vocabulary (kudos THEDIRECTOR) or having a rational discussion about fanboy wars with CarbonCore (no seriously, it was completely rational) to reminiscing the good old days of Nintendo with Systematic, I’m yet to come across something packed with so many killer moments in one single gameplay sitting. This is definitely game of the year bar none. Unless there’s a GIMM5, that is.

GamingIndians Verdict: DO WANT! You should’ve been there.

GIMM4 was available on the 27th of September, 7 PM onwards at the cost of free and was bundled with epic win.

Based on a true story.

After being done with some light* work on a Saturday evening, i decided to check out an electronics store close to home. Little did i know that it would lead to a pretty serious shock (pun unintended).

1. The salesmen touch and grope the LCD screens, leaving scratches the size of the equator. Something that is highly annoying and highly stupid. Totally unexpected from an idiot who’s supposed to be selling you the goods.

2. They claim that no progressive scan DVD players are available in spite of 4 being right in front of you. So much for our endeavors to make this nation 100% literate.

3. They tout plasma TV technology to the best thing since slice bread, Jesus Christ and Sachin Tendulkar. All rolled into one.

4. They claim that the xbox 360 is the most maintainance-free piece of hardware ever. Yes, apparently they’ve never heard of red rings of death.

5. They charge more for older TV sets than newer ones.

Well that’s the last time i ever enter a NEXT showroom for anything even remotely related to electronics. Lamers.

Now listening to: The Scorpions- Rock You Like a Hurricane

*the term “light” implies its description for robots, jedi masters and super snipers able to sit in the same spot for weeks on end.

Rant!

Over the past week there’s been a lot of things to pop a blood cell or twenty over. Gin and tonic with the right camaraderie does wonders for the soul. At least relieving it enough to get my cosmic sized arse over to my PC and type this rant.

1. Flooding. Water to the point that if aliens were to visit earth anytime soon they’d think Mumbai was bloody Atlantis. i guess the jerk offs at the BMC are using their funds alright, probably has something to do with the residential spliffers running out of stuff to spliff on.

2. The Cyber Cell. First it was kids badmouthing their teachers on Orkut who were stifled, then a bunch of BMS folks and what not. For fuck’s sake it looks like no one’s safe to give their view on any issue especially if it involves educational institutions. So much for education opening one’s mind to form an opinion.

3. Transformers. What the hell is going on? That movie was supposed to release last week. The distributors are probably still wetting their pants in the nasal goop that is Himesh Reshamiya’s acting debut, Aap ke Suroor. Then again, it grossed more than those odious Yash Raj movies so there may be some method to the madness of shitty stories and wannabe “OMFG i am so morose” sentiment surrounding each billboard proclaiming that the half-wit will be seen “without a cap” for the first time.

4. Gamespot. Congratulations you jerk offs. Your new rating system insults my intelligence and all those who visit your site. May you enjoy bedding the marketing departments of crooked game publishers such as EA. As for me, i’ll be visiting Gamesradar, Gamerevolution and the user review section of your IQ minus 40 games review site.

5. Next-Gen console price gouging. Seriously guys, all of you. Especially you Microsoft. A premium system at Rs. 27,750 ($ 639) is highway robbery. But then i get red rings of death for free! So it all balances out right. Guess i’ll be scouring the grey market for my next-gen fix. X360 or otherwise.

6. People who use the loo and decide to leave the door fully open for the entire world to see. And puke. There’s a reason why a lock was invented. And doors too. USE THEM!

7. The Mumbai University. Congratulations for making marks the sole criteria for entering into the Mass Media course. Now we’re going to have freaks, mug pots and morons reminiscing of their physics and calculus days all while try to juggling the common sense of marketing, the irrationality of copy writing and the precision of media planning.

Blah, its been a hectic week. Again. At least Die Hard 4.0 was pure ownage ditto with meeting the Sambot.

Now Listening To: Wolfmother – Where Eagles Have Been (on loop).

The Day After Yesterday!

Eight Random Thoughts of the Day

1. Today is Junk’s birthday. A fine surprise party last night for one of the finer people around. He always has a laugh or ten to share. Most of which are unintentional, but we’ll take what we can.

2. Meeting with the Sam is fun. Even more so when you crack up as you see him. Then again, somethings can’t be helped. Especially when they turn out looking like Jim Carrey.

3. It’s been close to six weeks without my PC. This sucks so bad it makes Dhoom 2 seem almost watchable (and that my friend, is no mean feat). What is a geek without his PC? More like Hugh Hefner without the Playboy Bunnies. Perish the thought! Of a geek without a PC that is. Hugh doesn’t deserve the Bunnies.

4. A new monitor awaits me. Widescreen gaming in 19″ or 20.1″ beckons. Hopefully before the year ends.

5. …and so does my PC, sans the motherboard issues. Asrock sucks arse.

6. Incubus makes some real nice music. Mellow compared to my staple fare of heavy metal.

7. Meeting the girlfriends family for dinner with your family is perfect. Until both sets of moms decide to exchange notes, leaving their sons and daughters wish that they could melt into the floor amidst a meal at ChinaGate or hide in their shirt during after dinner coffee at CCD. Atria Mall makes all your embarrassing childhood memories come true.

8. Final Fantasy XII is a frelling tough game. So tough that it makes my final semester of BMM seem easy.

9. You know things take a turn for the unreal when you’ve a conversation with your parents that has them saying, “Do you want a PS3?”. After the preliminary shock, you muster enough courage to say you rather get an Xbox 360 instead.


Now Listening To : Incubus – Pardon Me