Seems that the requisite skills required include hacking Orkut and Gmail, maintaining weight, proficiency in English and  be biologically sound ( for procreation and kissing). As long as you don’t click the “I’m feeling lucky” button, you should be good.  You might just end up at the Geek epicenter of the Internet.

Now Playing: Foo Fighters – New Way Home

]]> http://slackerninja.com/2010/03/12/the-evolution-of-relationships-as-per-google/feed/ 0 slackerninja Evolution of Life http://slackerninja.com/2010/03/04/harassment/ http://slackerninja.com/2010/03/04/harassment/#comments Wed, 03 Mar 2010 20:27:21 +0000 slackerninja http://slackerninja.com/?p=976 ]]> Sometime,  just around quitting time, February 18th.

Her: Would you like to see my niece?

Him: How would I see them? You’re wearing pants.

Slackerninja: *facepalm* Dude, that’s actually grounds for sexual harassment.

Him: The parts for harassment are above the knees.

Her: Whaaaa?

Slackerninja: *double facepalm*

However even when everything is a glorified clusterfuck of historical figures and mythological beasts you can always come home, pop-in some sweet music, kick back a few vodka-cranberries and the world is suddenly a better place. Which it always was. You just realized that things have never changed.

Just people.

Now Listening To: A Red Season Shade – Ghosts & Clouds

Sherrie: ahoy hoy

slackerninja: hey sup?

Sherrie: you have the funniest convos

slackerninja: totally

Sherrie: btw why exactly can’t women be ninjas?

slackerninja: THEY CANNOT! THEY DO NOT EXIST

Sherrie: what tha???

slackerninja: It’s like trying to say people get drunk on wine and white chocolate exists

Sherrie: but manga tells us otherwise!

slackerninja: or Lady Gaga is female

Sherrie: er, yes drunk on wine…

slackerninja: in your dreams

Sherrie: but i’m just saying, women are generally stealthier than men?

slackerninja: no…fatter doesn’t mean stealthier

Note to self: I still wonder how I survived that particular conversation, think it had something to do with  my copious consumption of Absolut Raspberry. And cranberry juice.

Insert appropriate The Departed reference here.

Now Listening To: Spoon – Got Nuffin

Lehar: Nice! How’d that happen?

Rishi: Christina and I are ninjas.

Lehar: Oh! So if Christina is a ninja you concede that ninjas can be female?

Rishi: I said she was ninja. Not female.

Lehar: Oh she is one. Trust me. I know.

Rishi: Dude, too much information.

Note to self: Train rides with office people are hazardous to mental health and imagination.

Now Listening To: Solid Gold – Bible Thumper

[10/1/2009 3:54:36 PM] Lehar says: i object
[10/1/2009 3:54:47 PM] Lehar says: i object to Game4uNinja being male
[10/1/2009 3:54:58 PM] randal.pereira says: Only ninjas can be male
[10/1/2009 3:55:00 PM] Lehar says: thts downright sexist
[10/1/2009 3:55:03 PM] Lehar says: and no
[10/1/2009 3:55:05 PM] randal.pereira says: So if you want to be one….
[10/1/2009 3:55:07 PM] Lehar says: thr r female ninjas
[10/1/2009 3:55:14 PM] randal.pereira says: It’s not sexist if i’m giving you a solution
[10/1/2009 3:55:17 PM] Lehar says: info for ur tiny male brainn
[10/1/2009 3:55:30 PM] randal.pereira says: O RLY?
[10/1/2009 3:55:36 PM] Lehar says:
[10/1/2009 3:55:47 PM] randal.pereira says: heads up rishi is headed ur way
[10/1/2009 4:07:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: Seriously
[10/1/2009 4:07:16 PM] rishi.alwani says: Women Ninjas lol
[10/1/2009 4:07:31 PM] rishi.alwani says: next thing we’d be wondering if Dolphins are smart
[10/1/2009 4:07:44 PM] alexander.gounder says:
[10/1/2009 4:07:50 PM] rishi.alwani says: (which they are not because they get caught in plastic can rings )
[10/1/2009 4:08:02 PM] Lehar says: they are intelligent
[10/1/2009 4:08:11 PM] Lehar says: they just dont knw plastic rings exist
[10/1/2009 4:08:12 PM] Lehar says:
[10/1/2009 4:08:16 PM] Lehar says: ggrrrr……
[10/1/2009 4:08:17 PM] rishi.alwani says: *yawn *
[10/1/2009 4:08:39 PM] alexander.gounder says: Wht Plastic rings
[10/1/2009 4:08:40 PM] rishi.alwani says: Well at least they’re smarter than people who think that women ninjas exist
[10/1/2009 4:08:45 PM] Lehar says: :O
[10/1/2009 4:08:52 PM] rishi.alwani says: heads up: the tooth fairy and santa claus are a lie
[10/1/2009 4:08:52 PM] Lehar says: female ninjas exist!!!!!!!!!!111
[10/1/2009 4:08:57 PM] Lehar says: ur frigging google says tht
[10/1/2009 4:09:10 PM] rishi.alwani says: And that there is no such thing as equality, parity or being fair
[10/1/2009 4:09:11 PM] rishi.alwani says: sorry
[10/1/2009 4:09:16 PM] rishi.alwani says: the world is not round
[10/1/2009 4:09:17 PM] rishi.alwani says: it is flat
[10/1/2009 4:09:18 PM] alexander.gounder says: Rishi google is urs!!
[10/1/2009 4:09:19 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:09:26 PM] rishi.alwani says: nah
[10/1/2009 4:09:28 PM] rishi.alwani says: wordpress
[10/1/2009 4:09:29 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:09:31 PM] Lehar says: good mornign alex
[10/1/2009 4:09:32 PM] rishi.alwani says: \m/
[10/1/2009 4:09:46 PM] Lehar says: in a sense i get ur flat world
[10/1/2009 4:09:56 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:09:56 PM] rishi.alwani says: Flat Out
[10/1/2009 4:09:57 PM] Lehar says: but as thy say, be the change u want
[10/1/2009 4:10:02 PM] rishi.alwani says: OHMFG
[10/1/2009 4:10:03 PM] alexander.gounder says: good afternoon “gurl who thinks women ninjas exist”
[10/1/2009 4:10:03 PM] Lehar says: so be fair, u’ll get fair
[10/1/2009 4:10:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: wtf
[10/1/2009 4:10:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: “be the change you want”
[10/1/2009 4:10:13 PM] rishi.alwani says: lol
[10/1/2009 4:10:21 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar teaching us how to live
[10/1/2009 4:10:29 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar of Change
[10/1/2009 4:10:33 PM] Lehar says: the world is round
[10/1/2009 4:10:38 PM] rishi.alwani says: (i have only 10s, no change btw )
[10/1/2009 4:10:39 PM] Lehar says: wht goes arnd comes around
[10/1/2009 4:10:54 PM] Lehar says: ha ha
[10/1/2009 4:10:55 PM] Lehar says: not funny
[10/1/2009 4:10:56 PM] Lehar says: lame
[10/1/2009 4:11:01 PM] Lehar says:
[10/1/2009 4:11:09 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar of Lame4U
[10/1/2009 4:11:12 PM] alexander.gounder says: seriously not funny… lame…
[10/1/2009 4:11:26 PM] alexander.gounder says: lame like the idea of women ninjas
[10/1/2009 4:11:31 PM] Lehar says: i am going to take revenge for this
[10/1/2009 4:11:38 PM] Lehar says: with my FEMALE ninja team
[10/1/2009 4:11:44 PM] alexander.gounder says:
[10/1/2009 4:11:57 PM] rishi.alwani says: No you’re not Russel Crowe from the Gladiator, you can’t pull off saying that line and be cool
[10/1/2009 4:12:00 PM] alexander.gounder says: yeah we will wait for such a time
[10/1/2009 4:12:13 PM] Lehar says: yeah
[10/1/2009 4:12:16 PM] Lehar says: keep waiting
[10/1/2009 4:12:32 PM] rishi.alwani says: No we’re not. We’re busy being Ninjas. You can be too
[10/1/2009 4:12:34 PM] rishi.alwani says: OHWAITAMINIT
[10/1/2009 4:12:35 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:12:44 PM] alexander.gounder says: keep waiting… because female ninjas don’t exist
[10/1/2009 4:13:00 PM] Lehar says: ggrrr….
[10/1/2009 4:13:17 PM] Lehar says: uff!
[10/1/2009 4:14:06 PM] *** rishi.alwani has changed the chat topic to “Female Ninjas: Pre–order now at Lame4U (contact St. Lehar for details)!”

Now Listening: Foo Fighters – Word Forward

Wait what? Oh you wanted to know what my picks for the best video games of 2009 are? Umm…disregard the first paragraph please? Or at least don’t tell anyone or post it on a large online community populated by hardcore gamers? That’s great. Cool. So where was I…

Ahh yes, 2009 was a good year for games. We saw sequels to Assassin’s Creed, Modern Warfare, Halo, Street Fighter and Resident Evil to name a few but to me it was the new games that stood out from the crowd. And while our fearless leader is right for stating that it has been a bad year for new IP in terms of volume but the quality of the precious few that released are worth their weight in Mr. Zurkons. Having said that, here’s my top five video games of 2009:

5. Demon’s Souls : Tough as hell, unapologetically old school and brutal enough to make New Year’s Eve traffic seem like an hour at a strip club. Demon’s Souls has no concept of an easy mode, in fact it gets tougher every time you die.The stellar level design, art-direction and quirky online modes just ease it ever so slightly. However play responsibly and you’d be rewarded handsomely not only with some sweet loot but with immense satisfaction as well. Play it like a button-masher and you’d believe that if Demon’s Souls was a person it would be Chuck Norris because it’s chief export is pain. Definitely the RPG of choice for the discerning, borderline sadistic PS3 owner. Or just me.

4. Killzone 2: In a year that’s seen Halo and Modern Warfare 2 hit the shelves, Killzone 2 seemed like this odd, unrepentant beast forcing you to embrace its set control scheme, industrial environs, outlandish setting and tough as nails AI. Not to mention one of the better plots around, some sweet weaponry and pretty neat characters. And yes, graphically it looked and still looks awesome. What it lacks in shooter heritage of the aforementioned titles it makes up for in great multiplayer, highly polished gameplay and one of the most “WTF” moments in an FPS this year.

3. Bayonetta: Sure it’s supposed to hit Indian stores by January 8th 2010 but the point is the Japanese version has been available for the longest time. But is it good enough to be on this list you ask? Let’s put it this way, any action game that features a sexy librarian looking witch who pummels the crap out of angels with dual wielding pistols attached to her heels and has hair that transforms into a dragon that devours them whole is a shoe-in to be on any list if not on number one ’nuff said.

2. Batman Arkham Asylum : Perhaps one of the few games of the year that had its pacing bang on target. Brilliant scripting, awe-inspiring boss battles and a level of gameplay so refined that it made the delay not only forgivable but mandatory. Be it merely exploring every nook and cranny of Arkham Asylum or living one of the Scare Crow’s nefarious nightmares this is one superhero game that reeks of pure unadulterated awesome. For once donning the role of a man wearing his underwear over his pants seemed extremely cool and not to mention desirable.

1. Dragon Age: Origins: Earlier in the year Marilyn Manson and BioWare asked us if we were’ready for the new sh*t?’ and for large portion of the year my face gravitated towards my palms whenever the it was mentioned. It’s a good thing the game was nothing like its promotions. Dragon Age: Origins is one of those rare games I’m going to find myself going back to time and time again with a myriad of gameplay choices, customization options and soul sucking replay value. For underneath the nifty Eclipse engine (which does more than have a gratuitous fetish for blood stains mind you) lies a story so poignant, characters so deep and a world so immersive that it left me wondering why the hell don’t we have more games like these?

So there you have it folks, my top 5 games of 2009. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a doll errr…person to operate on. Or something.

Gotta love how “drink”, “game”, “more”, “think” and “win” all stand out one after the other? The logical sequence of the twitterverse perhaps?

Nevertheless he persevered onwards with nothing but fire in his belly, effervescent hope and music on his iPod. Actually just music on iPod , the other two were actually his stomach growling and his conscience rebelling at being forced to wake up so early.

After all, he was just heading to work and it the weather wasn’t as murky as it sounds, it’s just that he’s plain delusional. Always happens when you’ve to trek to Mumbai’s equivalent of Mordor (read: Andheri East) to get to your job.

The sight he saw on arrival was anything but the usual delusion (battling undead warriors guarding the entrance of Mordor). Hoardes of his co-workers were stuck in the office compound and weren’t exactly pleased.

Alright, they’re close to undead warriors but not quite, he thought as he trudged on smiling which stopped the moment he realized that he along with his office crew were displaced for reasons which only beings of a higher power could fathom. And in that very instant he had the most astounding revelation. An epiphany so deep and meaningful that it seemed to materialize itself from the very womb of the origin of inspiration, also know more widely as “shit happens”.

December sucks.

How did he of all people come across this astounding insight you readers (well, reader as far as i know…unless there are more lurkers, c’mon you know who you might be, i think)might ask? He used his powers of deduction which are awesome. Like unicorns puking rainbows. Except they’re not puking rainbows they’re puking, well…puke. Yes his powers of deduction are that awesome.

Digressions aside this is what he puke..err..deduced. First up he attended a marriage which was fun, at least in theory. Not in practice because dressing up made him feel fat and weight conscious. Also dancing at a wedding was embarassing to say the least. The very definition of clumsy and embarassing which topped this little 2005 incident of his and laughable enough to be understood by the aliens who’d be watching it when they conquer our planet years from now.

Secondly he realized where he stands with people who he felt he was close to which apparently wasn’t the case (yeah he’s that delusional it seems), felt like being impaled with a bed of nails which is a tad better than feeling fat and conscious (weight or otherwise).

Thirdly he felt his work was going unrecognized and his talents being flushed down the drain being stuck in the 1st level of hell (the oldies called it, for some mad reason, limbo, we know it as “middle management”) which made him made him insane enough to believe that going to work was akin to making a daily commute to Mount Doom.

Fourthly everyone he knows is either prepping up to be the next Meryl Streep with drama so excessive that it could make the passing of gas an epic saga of love, betrayal and ultimately vengeance of the stomach who finally got to say, “I told you that pizza was bad for you.” in the most visual, craptacular way possibe. I shit you not. Oh wait…

Then again it might have something to do with the lack of caffeine, excessively stupid workload and scant respect from humanity or the fact that he really needed to stop wearing shoes that are uncomfortable for his feet.

So yes, December sucks. All his ten toes, even the one with the mauled nail concurred with him in unison which made the stray dog at his side scurry away with its tail between its legs.

Perhaps it has to do with the weight of the entire plumetting down on his uneven shoulders in one fell swoop? Is it because he really needs to buy a pair of shoes that aren’t of the corn yeilding variety? Or was it because Avatar was good enough to put him to sleep? Suddenly Mordor transformed into something regal, like it was a scene out of the set of Dynasty minus Alexis Carrington which was a bit of a downer but it would do. Out of nowhere he heard the sound of an announcer…

“Find out more on the next thrilling episode of… life…of this random dude who’s making me pause dramatically by showing one elipse too many. Same place and unknown time.”

Don’t you know that I’ll be around to guide you
Through your weakest moments to leave them behind you
Returning nightmares only shadows
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright for now

Crosses all over, heavy on your shoulders
The sirens inside you waiting to step forward
Disturbing silence darkens you sight
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright for now

Crosses all over the boulevard
Crosses all over the boulevard
Crosses all over the boulevard
Crosses all over the boulevard

The streets outside your window overflooded
People staring, they know you’ve been broken
Repeatedly reminded by the looks on their faces
Ignore them tonight and you’ll be alright
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright

Now Listening To: Zero 7 – Crosses (feat. Jose Gonzales)