Tag Archives: Facebook

Collaboration

24 May

He: “Dude!”

Me; “Yes?”

He: “I called because I got suddenly inspired!”

Me: “Hmmm, that’s rare.”

He: “I know, I know. I got an idea.”

Me: “Okay…”

He: “I’ve been very inspired because I listened to Tenacious D! If you’ve read my status messages.”

Me: “Uh-huh… What status messages?”

He: “Oh that’s right, you don’t check Facebook.”

Me: “No.”

He: “I was thinking we should collaborate!”

Me: “…”

He: “You can write, I can come up with the music!”

Me: “…”

He: “It can be something like “Fuck Her Gently”  or a one minute sketch. It can be entertaining!”

Me: “Hmmm…”

He: “C’mon man! It can be something like the liquor permit issue. Or fuel prices. It should be something I understand. So if you write about*…I won’t understand it!”

Me: “Um….okay.”

He: “It’s like what you do in your blogging!”

Me: “…”

He: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “I’m not too keen on collaborating. I rather work on my own.”

He: “Write what you want, I’ll just come up with the music to it!”

Me: *facepalm*

He: “I’ll get my acoustic over to your place! Let’s jam!”

Me: “Let’s see.”

He: “What’s the problem? You busy? At work or something?”

Me: “No. I just don’t think this is a good idea.”

He: “Oh. Okay. I’ll speak to you later.”

(*I took away my phone from the earpiece while he narrated this bit, so I have no idea what he said next)

Fed up.

22 May

Today marks the beginning of the realisation of a phase that I’ve been in for the longest time.

I’m fed up.

No, it’s not the job, that’s pretty sweet. It’s not the daily grind of commuting in a city befitting the status of a war zone and it’s not the standard of living in the shadow of a dystopian, scumbag government either. I’ve made my peace with these elements a long time ago. After all, what else would you expect from someone who wakes up each morning anticipating an alien invasion?

I’m fed up of people. I’m fed up of listening. I’m fed up “being there” for them. I’m fed up of hearing their sordid tales of their daily existence. I’m fed up of being accommodating of their idiosyncrasies. I have had enough and I can’t have any more. I’ve reached a point where my relationship with people is borderline toxic because I’ve had it with being the foil to everyone’s drama and I want out.

Having said that, I’m in the process of culling the unnecessary whining and noise. So don’t be surprised if you don’t see me on Facebook, have access to my tweets only due to retweets from others, and can’t view me on Foursquare, Instagram or the social network of the du jour. Oh and don’t get appalled if I don’t reply to WhatsApp messages, texts, emails or even pick up the phone.

It’s funny how the dynamics of modern day communication make me want to crawl into my shell rather than be more open to listening. Good thing the block and report as spam buttons exist. It seems like the best way to clean out the mess I’ve gotten myself into thoroughly. Fun.

Now listening to: Bonobo – Kiara

 

The Timeline of Tomorrow

1 Jan

A little something I rustled up for Mumbai Mirror’s New Year’s issue. Unedited, uncensored and hopefully, better formatted than the print edition.

The problem with writing a column about the web trends of 2012 is that I can’t exactly prophesies about flying cars, giant robots or alien visitations. Reason being, change on the internet is a little less dramatic (and less cliched) but as important all the same.

2011 has been its growing up year of sorts. From Egypt to Russia along with pitstops along the UK, US and to an extent India, you’d have to be living under a rock not to take notice of the role Twitter and Facebook have played in advocating governmental change.

While this doesn’t mean that we’d stop using social media to document drunken nights of debauchery, it just means the methods of doing so will change. Here’s my predictions for 2012′s internet trends.

1. Social media goes visual: rather than fill in your Facebook or Twitter status updates with random song quotes or banal whining about how crowded the local train was, video and photo uploads allow you those few moments to think “is this really worth sharing?”. Throw in the fact that your average cellphone camera is competent to film and shoot with ease, and that images speak louder than 140 characters, you get fledgling networks like Instagram ( a photo app currently for iOS devices only but heading to Android phones soon) and Viddy (a video editing and sharing app for smartphones) primed to steal a slice of Facebook’s and Twitters social pie.

2. Year of the mobile. For real: every year seems to the be the year when mobile internet takes off. 2012 is one of them. But what makes us believe it will finally happen? For starters smartphone prices are next to nothing, social apps like Facebook and Google Plus are now mobile in a big way and hardware manufacturers such as Nokia are pushing Near Field Communication to allow for contactless payments too. So you’d be using your phone for more than just Whatsapp or Angry Birds. Oh and the occasional call. Now if they’d just lower iPhone 4S prices…

3. Anonymity becomes a hot-button topic: Be it what movies you’re watching or where you are shopping, a lot of what you do in real life finds its way on the internet. If you don’t share, your friends will. It’s this always connected, always sharing system of social media that leads to privacy concerns. This is made worse by the fact that all your information is archived, making it easy to find at any given time. For example, the last thing a prospective job candidate would want, is a recruiter to chance upon his or her not so printable thoughts on Sunny Leone on Bigg Boss. On a more serious note, anonymity allows users to speak up without fear and gives whistleblowers much needed protection. The point is, as more people are aware of the importance for anonymity, it opens up an avenue to charge for it rather than leave you without a choice. Don’t be surprised if Facebook and Google Plus offer that option in 2012.

So there you have it, three of the bigger internet trends for the new year which promises to be more agile, vibrant and effervescent than the last.

The Cricket Survival Guide

7 Mar

Something I wrote for T3 India. Now here and unedited for your viewing pleasure:

Zombies and cricket fans have a lot in common. They’re both mindless drones lumbering around trying to sink their chops into unsuspecting folk converting them into one of their own. The difference being that one of them is an extremely real and dangerous threat. And unless there’s a zombie world cup in February it is but obvious that this is a guide to surviving the Cricket World Cup if you’re not a fan.

1.       Go off the virtual social grid: Unwire yourself from the time sinks that are Twitter and Facebook which would be replete with fans spouting their views on everything from Yuvraj’s latest squeeze to Sehwag’s hairstyle and maybe cricket as well. If these weren’t enough you’d find more than your fair share of folk who previously didn’t give a crap about the sport trying to validate their existence by posting something apparently witty about it for virtual kudos. Stay away from them too. They’ve given in to the plague. It’s too late for them.

2.       Read no evil, watch no evil: You turn into a zombie when you get bitten by one. Cricket zombies are smarter. Everything from your favourite phone brand to your choice of milk would be looking to if you could excuse the pun, milk this event for all its worth ensuring your superior cricket-free mind being contaminated by World Cup taint remotely. It’s a clever Trojan horse. The solution? Stop reading newspapers and magazines, stop watching TV and get your news via filtered ad-free alternatives like RSS feeds

3.       Rally survivors: You won’t be alone in these dark times. There will be other like-minded, kindred individuals looking for some solace from the trauma. Now would be a good time to get in touch with your friends who you know for a fact won’t be interested in the World Cup perhaps at a place that isn’t piping inane cricketing commentary. Like a quiet restaurant without a TV for example.

4.       Drinking Games: If you’re forced to watch a match. Have a shot of tequila each time a wicket falls, the batsman hits the ball, the bowler gets a dot ball, when an extra is bowled and every time there’s an ad break. This would ensure that you’d be more receptive to the sport as it would regulate alcohol consumption.

5.      House Party Protection: Cricket zombies are a cunning bunch as point number 2 would surmise. Sometimes when getting to you virally doesn’t work, they decide to be upfront and invite you to a house party to “watch the match”. This is one time where you’re allowed to be impolite and show up extremely late. Preferably after the game. And if you have the misfortune of showing up when it’s on, feign interest by resorting to the usual catchphrases like “Sachin is God” and “I wish Ganguly was still captain” this would result in the horde bickering over these two topics for hours on end. Allowing you to make a speedy exit.

6.       Kamikaze: The final solution this. It’s the very definition of suicide. If points 1 to 5 fail and you for some reason find yourself kidnapped, blackmailed (emotionally or otherwise) or held at gunpoint to watch a cricket match your only option is to shout at the top of your lungs when appropriate (at the loss of a wicket or a boundary scored) “GO MANCHESTER UNITED!”. This would result in devastation of  cataclysmic proportions with the crowd and your immediate (cricket zombie) friends losing absolute respect for you. Which would have been pretty much as existent as Diablo 3 if you had to resort to this.

Predictions for 2011

12 Dec

A little something I wrote for T3 India’s anniversary issue. Now here and unedited for your viewing pleasure:

One year from the end of the Mayan calendar aside,  here’s what to expect in 2011. Pardon the lack of accuracy in our forecast. There wasn’t an app on the Appstore to help us out.
1. Himesh comes to iTunes: Sure Apple teased us with “Tomorrow is another day. That you’ll just never forget” but let’s face it the Beatles announcement is just the place holder for this nasal singer who has the mighty legion of rickshaw driving fanboys at his side and easily singable tunes that can have the most stuck up of editors humming in no time. That and the lack of a Emperor Palpatine-like Yoko Ono figure to cause his demise make this prophecy inevitable.

2. 3G comes to India: Sure it will in a more widespread fashion and rates that would drop faster than the TRPs of Bigg Boss post-Pamela Anderson and the not too under the radar cat-fighting between telcos like drunken women but there will be an obvious side-effect – a  telephone minister would resign.

3. Indian Politicians on Twitter: Just like Shashi Tharoor last year the internet will throw up some canny, publicity hungry politician wanting to  raise his or her profile. However don’t expect any controversy, just carefully managed; succinct tweets that would make Rahul Dravid’s batting seem less bland.

4. NotionInk finally launches the Adam: To the relief of many a techie rooting for the underdog the Adam will finally hit the shelves only to be outspecced and outgunned from Apple’s and Samsung’s next Retina Display and SAMOLED toting darlings making it the Palm Pre of the tablet world.

5. iPhone4 in India: Hopefully at a rate that won’t have you selling your kidney, limbs, first born and your mobile connection to own it. This will be followed by Windows Phone 7 finally launching here leading to a spate of “I’m a PC, I’m a Mac” arguments all over again. Can we meet in the middle ground? Preferably Android please?

 

6.  …and speaking of Android: Samsung, HTC and your favourite manufacturer of Android handsets will finally find a way to increase battery life so that you can tweet, check your emails, video conference, Skype, walk the dog, do the dishes, breathe and most importantly make calls without the battery dying on you in under thirty seconds.

 

7.  Big Bazaar enters the Mobile Biz: Hot on the heels of Tips, iBall, your grandmother and your cat entering the mobile phone space with super cheap handsets freshly made by suicidal Chinese workers would be our version of Wallmart wading into the already crowded pool leading to crazy price drops. The good news: an iPhone 4 knock off for under a grand. The bad news: it breaks the moment you try calling anyone.

 

8. Foxconn outsources to India: In order to lower suicide rates and most importantly, cut costs, the mysterious contract manufacturer for almost everyone from Nintendo to HP, decides to outsource their projects to India leading to a decrease of suicides, an increased productivity, greater tech leaks and of course a grand reality TV show capturing all the drama.

 

9. Less mobile phone predictions: Let’s face it, the portable space has been booming so much so that this writer’s first 43645758 thoughts on this article were all cell phone based. And even after trying to look busy writing this article to escape the proof-reading boredom of closing time he’s nowhere close to having less of them. Having said that he apologizes and promises the same won’t hold true next year. Maybe.

 

10. You will join our Facebook page: Legend has it that if it’s in print it must be true. And while this isn’t exactly number one on our list of predictions, truth be told, being marooned on a planet inhabited by nothing but lingerie models and latest tech is, but this isn’t too far down the pecking order. So join us at http://fb.me/T3India or just search for T3 India on Facebook to see what goes on behind the scenes at India’s premier gadget mag. Stalkers and irate fanboys who want to hunt down that writer who gave your favourite product a bad review are welcome too.

 

March Musings

6 May

i know this is late. Unfortuntately or not, depending how you look at it and who you are, i’ve been busy with real life. Yes it apparently exists. April’s up next. Soon i hope.
Anyway enough about me rambling about now. Read me ramble about before…

1. Went to Ambience twice in two nights. Tons of fun. Even more when you’ve friends who find salvation in mixing everyone’s drink to be a potent combination of whiskey, soda and Thums Up.

2. So a certain game was launched. And for once i was happy i didn’t have anything to do with it.

3. My sister’s exams started. Thankfully they only lasted close to a month. She hijacked my room like a schizophrenic terrorist demanding that the voices in her head to shut up. Epic madness and the other reason for the blog post delay.

4. Rohit got into MICA! Prolly the most awesome-sauce piece of news all month. Congrats bro, you deserve it. And thus comes to an end, an era of stumbling, drunken walks home. You will be missed.

5. Aashruti’s farewell was hilarious what with the Junkmeister taking centre stage rambling about music that makes him puke, weird band names and of course the legendary blazowned.

Junk: Dude this holi I got blazowned.

Rishi: Really? What’s that.

Junk: That’s all you gotta know. Blazowned.

Rishi: …

6. 20th March 2009:

Oh and lemon ice tea for breakfast, cold coffee and eye-candy at a meeting, lemon juice for lunch, ice tea for dinner, hazel nut frappe with ice cream for dessert and a pepper mint ice tea for afters.
So why am i awake again?

7. My aunt aka Sunshine finally left for Spain, ’twas too short a time. Even more so since it was without the cousins (3 of them) and the uncle. Guess the cousins are still shattered over their last trip in 2004 where one of them, at least, was sobbing because of the abject poverty she was made privy to (“I saw slums.” , said she drowning amidst her own tears). Sensitive first world country kids i tell you.

8. Chetan, if you message me about creepy people on planes at 6 in the AM i’m fine. It’s just everyone else might just want to kick your ass, from here to Antartica because they don’t switch off their phones at all.

9.  Overheard at a hotel:

“So i was on Facebook. And XYZ’s albums had pictures of me in a compromising position with someone else.”

“Oh. That sucks. What happened next?”

“I got ABC to speak to XYZ and ask her to remove those pics. But she got rude, removed ABC and me from her friends list and said that those pics were there for almost 6 months already.”

“Okay. Then what?”

“Nothing at all. ABC and i are planning to cancel XYZ’s residence card.”

People. Scarier, sensitive and more evil than you think. Even more so when it concerns FaceBook drama. Believe.

10. Finally changed my job status on Facebook. From nothing i’m now the frontman for Varun and the Plectrums. Which is pretty sweet considering we played three songs (3 Doors Down’s Kryptonite, Staind’s So Far Away and Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters) all of which got brutally massacred  as i tried to fit in the epic saga of Varun trying to find his holy plectrums in a land strewn with eunuchs, traffic jams and more eunuchs. Fun times.

11. The Watchmen was awesome. Sure it was a complete copy-paste job of the comic but it was worth it. Kudos to the censor board for minimum blurrage.
Yeah that should more or less sum up the month that was. Two months back.

Now Listening To:  Papa Roach – Lifeline

Parents say the darnedest things…

15 Apr

A few days ago, the motherbot decided to call me at work.  As usual i expected it to be something along the lines of, “You *peep* why the *peep* isn’t the *insert electronic device here* you *insert expletive of choice here*”. Fate however, had something else in store for me:

You know you’re a good kid. You’ve principles, honesty and take pride in doing the right thing.

My only reply was a muted “ok” as i tried to process all of that at one go.  Needless to say i was stunned, shocked and slightly beaming a smile that might have lasted all day if she didn’t call me 10 minutes later to ask me:

So it shows on FaceBook that I replied to a message I never knew I received. Did you hack into my FaceBook account?

And people wonder why i’m a walking contradiction. The proof is in the genes. Which appear to have been passed down in generous, all-you-can-eat buffet styled quantities.
Now Listening To: Saliva – Broken Sunday