Tag Archives: fail

I’m sick of the iPhone 4S battery life.

31 Jan
iphone 4s battery fail

Story of my life. Well, since iOS 6 upward.

Yeah I’ve just about had it. Damn thing doesn’t do more than 6 hours on 3G. Multiple calibrations, seemingly infinite factory resets, the works, I’ve done everything short of turning it in for a replacement. Doubt shitty battery life permits a replacement and the pain it entails what with store staff who are braindead at best.

It appears as if the nice folks at Cupertino have borked every update iOS 6 onwards to force users to upgrade. This sucks simply because I love the form factor and build quality of the 4S as well as have a bunch of accessories for it. That, and I’m not paying Apple 45K for a new phone that has slightly better battery life on Vodafone (though my tinfoil conspiracy hat says that telcos are a part of the problem what with shitty connectivity).

Anyway, other options involve switching to 2G (read: not happening) or getting a secondary device running as a hotspot via Wi-Fi which seems pretty retarded. I guess I’m pretty much stuck till an opportunity presents itself to upgrade. Gah.

Apple: come for the apps, because using Instagram to take over 9000 pictures of your cats means you don’t need more than 6 hours on 3G. Sigh.

Image

Feedback. Also, why I’m never using the word “jelly” again.

27 Jan

The jelly meme has been ruined for me

Fed up.

22 May

Today marks the beginning of the realisation of a phase that I’ve been in for the longest time.

I’m fed up.

No, it’s not the job, that’s pretty sweet. It’s not the daily grind of commuting in a city befitting the status of a war zone and it’s not the standard of living in the shadow of a dystopian, scumbag government either. I’ve made my peace with these elements a long time ago. After all, what else would you expect from someone who wakes up each morning anticipating an alien invasion?

I’m fed up of people. I’m fed up of listening. I’m fed up “being there” for them. I’m fed up of hearing their sordid tales of their daily existence. I’m fed up of being accommodating of their idiosyncrasies. I have had enough and I can’t have any more. I’ve reached a point where my relationship with people is borderline toxic because I’ve had it with being the foil to everyone’s drama and I want out.

Having said that, I’m in the process of culling the unnecessary whining and noise. So don’t be surprised if you don’t see me on Facebook, have access to my tweets only due to retweets from others, and can’t view me on Foursquare, Instagram or the social network of the du jour. Oh and don’t get appalled if I don’t reply to WhatsApp messages, texts, emails or even pick up the phone.

It’s funny how the dynamics of modern day communication make me want to crawl into my shell rather than be more open to listening. Good thing the block and report as spam buttons exist. It seems like the best way to clean out the mess I’ve gotten myself into thoroughly. Fun.

Now listening to: Bonobo – Kiara

 

Quit your bitching and listen to mine. Why it sucks to be a gamer in India.

1 Jan

It’s tough living in a supposed third world country. You never get access to great games like Persona or BlazBlue unless you’ve got a credit card plus spare cash to deal with the all but obvious customs charge that follows or a relative kind enough to get you what you need. Reason being, we’re a nascent market, where anything outside triple-A (or purported triple-A tripe like NFS and WWE) don’t sell. Even the mainstream press doesn’t give games or gamers any respect, devaluing the entire ecosystem of gaming, casual or hardcore, PC or console to cheap Chinese knock-offs.

Heck, Nintendo doesn’t even have a legit presence in the region, so we’re officially three formats short.Throw in the fact that the two biggest formats in terms of install base are the PS2 and PC, even games like Forza and Gears aren’t that easy to come by unless you really hunt for them. Having said that, if it’s not labelled God of War, WWE, Uncharted, Halo, Cricket 20xx, Assassin’s Creed, FIFA, GTA or Hanuman Boy Warrior you’d be at your wits end trying to find it.

Digital distribution services such as Steam aren’t exactly the most accessible of options thanks to a glorious Fair Usage Policy (FUP) that caps your downloads to 25GB (yes, I shit you not, I rather get an aneurysm than explain to a customer rep why their policies suck) and the fact that local, physical boxed PC games cost around $20-25 at launch. Yes, we’re perhaps the cheapest for PC games in the world. But that counts for nothing when a good portion of titles don’t even release here, officially or otherwise.

For example my attempt to find a copy of Fallout: New Vegas for the PC was a disaster. Thanks to D-toid and a few friends on Steam who were raving about it my interest was piqued. I figured it shouldn’t be much of an issue getting it. Never had I been so wrong. The first stumbling block was finding someone who knew about it outside my merry band of virtual friends, there wasn’t anyone at retail or real-life per se who had an idea about the latest in post-apocalyptic simulation. Most trips to stores were like this:

“Do you have Fallout: New Vegas?”
“No but we have FIFA 11.”
“Oh, no thanks.”
“Sir we have this new game, GTA4. Just came in. Brand new!”
Me: facepalm

At least Fallout 3 was easier to source due to it being banned (pro-tip: you want a game to sell, get it banned and have parallel importers bring it in and charge a boatload) no such news of New Vegas being banned ensured that my local grey market importers were equally clueless.

Ironic isn’t it? There I was, searching for a game that focused on the sheer lack of humanity in post-apocalyptic times and I never felt more alone in my quest for it in the 6th most populous city in the world. Forget obscure, it hadn’t even been heard of. No, it doesn’t get better.

Entire genres get ignored so much so that RTS or RPGs outside their initial run are absolutely painful to find. This means if you don’t snap up a copy of Dragon Age: Origins or Mass Effect 2 within the first week or two, you’re more or less boned till it makes it on the shelves as a platinum/greatest hits release.

Don’t even get me started about platform parity, for the longest time, things were so bad with Xbox 360 sales that we only got the arcade SKU a year and a half after the rest of the world did. I guess it probably had to do with MS’ smart idea of straight math, assuming that ten percent of a 1 billion-odd population with a per capita income of $1219 would actually be able to afford a $500 Xbox 360 Pro console. At least we got Xbox Live before a ton of other territories including the Middle East.

However we’re by and large a PlayStation country with PS3 games selling around three to four times as more as they would on the Xbox 360. This basically means if you ever bought an Xbox 360 you’re screwed as games are hard to come by because so few of them are brought in unless you’re the sort looking to pirate because in that case it’s easy to get your hands on a console and games, in some places even easier than getting an unmodified Xbox. The same applies to the Wii in quite a few places as well.

And it gets worse. A few months ago a couple of leading distributors thought it would be a nice idea to start a price cartel, preventing retailers to price games as they saw fit. In fact, no retailer would be allowed to price any EA, Sony first party, MS first party, Capcom or Namco Bandai titles at a discount. All games from these publishers have to sell at suggested maximum retail price for the first two months. The end result? A ton of retailers parallel importing product and some of them doing it catastrophically wrong to the point where NTSC U/C PS2 and Xbox 360 games litter store shelves when we’re a PAL territory.

It’s a bone-headed policy that’s probably going to do more harm than good. Luckily, other distributors aren’t too interested in maintaining a stranglehold on day one pricing. Yet. Problem is EA is the topdog publisher in the region and has a major influence on how other big publishers such as Ubisoft and THQ do business.

Are we going to end up with price fixing that’s borderline, if not completely illegal? It’s too soon to tell, but it’s just one of the many glaring problems that gamers in India face. The hilarity of all of this is, how do you expect to keep piracy down if everyone selling legit games is hellbent on making things more difficult? It’s these inane reasons as to why people continue to flock to piracy regardless of format. Interested in games for your PS3? Sure, hop on over to your friendly neighbourhood store with your PS3 in tow and wait for 30 minutes as the salesman loads the games of your choice on your PS3′s hard drive right infront of you.

All in all,things are oppressive at best. And until the industry decides to be a little more open, a little more perceptive and a little more interested in actually serving a market instead of shoving crap down its throat, it sucks to be a gamer here.

Oh and I did manage to get my copy of Fallout: New Vegas after pulling in a massive favor from a friend overseas. Not something I’m likely to try again. How easy is it for you to get your games in that little slice of paradise you call your country?

Next week, why locally created video game content should die in a fire.

I’m going to Hell

10 Nov

So this happened a few minutes ago…

Mr. X: Recommend me a sitcom pls :) Dudeee

me: Suits

Mr. X: Dude saw it, anything else

Mr. X: N btw suits is not a sitcom :p its drama

Mr. X: Sitcom is only comedy

Mr. X: Like himym,friends,seinfeld

Mr. X: Think n tell

me: Community :P Big Bang Theory, South park

Mr. X: Seen :-|

Mr. X: Then

Mr. X: Anything new?

me: 2 girls 1 cup

Mr. X: Or really old

Mr. X: Whats that abt?

me: watch it

Mr. X: 1 girls 2 cups is normal :-|

Mr. X: Ok

me: lemonparty

Mr. X: Hmm

Mr. X: Checking these two thanks

Mr. X: Tell me more if u know

me: Goatse

Mr. X: K checkin

Mr. X: Cant find goatse on imdb

me: google or youtube

Mr. X: Wow all 3 not listed

Mr. X: So these just air on youtube

Mr. X: No download :-|

me: look around, you’ll find ‘em

Mr. X: Wtf is that porn?

Mr. X: 0_o

me: lol no

Mr. X: Search says not safe

me: your machine is prolly a pr0n server

Mr. X: Its something to trick ur friends n record reactions :-|

me: lulwut?! It’s not a reality show, it’s a sitcom

Mr. X: Download link pls

me: *redacted*

Mr. X: Is it nsfw?

me: no

Mr. X: Cool

Mr. X’s new status message – Im The Lyrical Gangster \m/

Now Listening to: Metallica- Ronnie

7 ways to tell monsoon’s arrived

4 Aug

Something I wrote for T3 India. Now here and unedited for your viewing pleasure:

Soaked clothes, floods and insane traffic: yes, it’s India’s rainy season. For further proof, scan tabloids for the word “deluge”, broadsheets for yet more articles about preventing malaria, and these tell-tale techy revealers…

1. The New Booze Invasion

With the rains comes bars trying to grab your attention with new variations of your usual poison. Do you go for a sugarcane-infused lager or take a chance on the banana beer? And what’s that fancy neon green thingamajig that it’s being dispensed from all about? One thing’s for sure: one pint later you’ll be back on Kingfisher. Unless you had to fortitude of ordering one with another free during happy hours, which means you will end up with a hangover that makes The Hangover 2 seem like a good idea.

2. Fair-Weather Walkers

The first word of rain has summer couch-potatoes everywhere grow legs and reach for their porous raincoats and squeaky rubber slippers. And before you know it they’re blocking up every square inch of walking space wherever possible with their best Fred Alastaire Singing In The Rain persona gladly risking possible death and disease for some mindless fun. Until they realise that their spiffy new iPhones (bought on EMIs no less) much like their mood, the gutters and most of the country, are heavily waterlogged.

3. Social Network Updates

Halfway through your fifth planning meeting of the day you steal a glimpse at Facebook, only to see that half of your acquaintances are ranting about how bad the weather is and the rest getting supremely emo over how it’s the greatest thing since the iPad. This season is clearly Dr. Jekyll to some and Mr. Hyde to others but all parts fun if you’re the sort who lives vicariously.

4. The Big Bollywood Item Number

Blaring from every possible radio or computer with a pair of speakers you pass is a horribly compelling mix of the cheesiest, borderline pornographic lyrics, some kind of novelty instrument – Irish flutes and circus kazoos perhaps – and a scantily clad formerly famous film actor exhorting you to umm…do something, if her gyrations didn’t render you temporarily deaf.

5. Municipal Corporation Madness

Another year since the epic floods of 2005 and you’ll still find your local civic administration drumming up Pulitzer Prize winning excuses as to why you won’t be able to step out of your flat due to them not being able to cover up a pothole and clean the drains. Problematic if you don’t want to drown when you need to make an emergency run to the drug store for aspirin. You know, in the event that you’ve to succumb to drunkenness as detailed in point number 1.

6. Aquaphobia

Symptoms include draping belongings in layers of plastic bags and possessing enough raincoats and umbrellas to keep a small country dry. If they could they’d laminate themselves. We recommend in investing in plastic companies and a good shrink for your pals.

The (S)hit List: My Favorite Games of 2K10

18 Jul

Yes this is super late, but in my defense, there were so many great games in 2010 that I’m still playing them. Anyhoo, without further delay (or irony)…


1. New Vegas! Now with a better soundtrack, post-apocalyptic goodness, more options than an octopus has tentacles and no dorky Zach Galifianakis or anyone remotely associated with The Hangover. Unless someone makes a mod for it. Bring your own roofies though.

2. Aside from battling giant sentient alien ships and tapping your crew members, Mass Effect 2′s greatest success is making you playthrough 30-odd hours of what is actually, the world’s first intergalactic recruitment simulator.

3. While Rockstar’s stellar Red Dead Redemption has absolutely no relation to Nintendo’s pink ball of joy, Kirby’s Epic Yarn  was the polar opposite of the coolest rendition of the Wild West (complete with being able to tie a woman to a railway track!). With the objective of confusing the crap out of everyone and pissing off the purists, the above picture does the job. As well as confirm nothing but both games are awesome and you’d be a dark empty void if you don’t play either. And both.

4. Shamelessly ripped from my IVG write up on Vanquish:

Overheard at a video game store:
“Oh, what’s this game Vanquish about?”
“Hmmm, I dunno, I’d Google it but my EDGE network sucks.”
“Well, it looks interesting, guns and all. But, but, but…the dude is not Kratos, Master Chief, Marcus Phoenix, Sam Fisher or even those random soldiers from COD.”
“You’re right, without any of those on the cover, it’s definitely not a good game. Let’s get Splinter Cell: Conviction instead!”
That is probably why Vanquish is the Best Game No One Played. It leads to two observations. One: people are too lazy to read the back of the box. Two: a decent portion of you have played the game; enough to recognize that this is without a doubt the most superlative title that everyone missed out on. It’s a tragedy because it’s got great gameplay, fantastic production values, and it allows you to throw back rockets fired at you by giant robots.

 

5. Bonus image! Best dialogue of 2010:

Wait, what?

 

Champagne Conversations and Double Standards

24 Mar

Around 0100 hours, Saturday, March 12…

He: Dude, I can’t believe I drank so much!

Me: What did you have?

He: I had…*hic* four King Fisher Strongs!

Me: Yeah given your tolerance, that’s a lot.

He (slurring and stumbling): I also had, 4 glasses of champagne!

Me: Dude…

He: Yeah man. I couldn’t help myself, she was telling me to. I couldn’t say no.

Me: *sigh*Idiot.

He: Boss. Try to understand, it was her birthday! I couldn’t refuse. I rarely meet her.

Me: What does that have to do with getting sloshed?

He: I…I just….just couldn’t say no to her.

Me: Given your previous experiences with women, I’m not surprised.

He: Shush!

Me: So on a scale of one to ten, how’d you rate her?

He: Hmmm…an 8!

Me: Not more? You seem to have had a good time.

He: No man, I can’t. She’s a friend from school.

Me: So what’s stopping you?

He: No! She’s from school. So no.

Me: That was like, 10 years ago man.

He: I can’t look at her that way!

Me: Ass, you already have, giving her an 8 and all that.

He (shouting): Yeah but she’s from school! Else she’d be a 10!

Me: *facepalm*

Kinect. Bringing Out the Douche In Some of Us

9 Dec

How to make a product massive success in a country where your console is failing.

Step 1: Pass on killer accessory to desperate as fuck, extremely slighted show host who for some reason has quite the following on Twitter. Have aforementioned pseudo-celeb tweet about it. Ensuring that his tweet is succinctly retarded and completely unprofessional.

Step 2:  The wannabe must take care to call every replier a pirate.


Step 3: Watch as Twitter gets trolled and trolls back.

If I had a cable TV subscription I’d boycott UTV Bloomberg’s tech show. It’s a good thing I’m too stubborn for my folks who wanted me to get one.

Trolling Trolls

30 Nov

Sigh, amateurs.

 

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