Tag Archives: fake ipl player

5 Months. One Post.

11 Oct

The last couple of months have been hectic around here. So let’s break it down in as concise a manner as possible.

May was, for all reason and purpose the month of epic drama. Be it the Fake IPL gallery, some great people at work leaving under pathetic circumstances, couples disentigrating faster than a 100 year old BMC deemed illegally unsafe building due for demolition and some crazy meetings. And there was a ramp walk at work which doubled as a gigantic circle-jerk session where everyone said nice things about everything to the point where it seemed as if unicorns were puking rainbows and ended with yours truly voted as the “angel” of the office. Yes this is the end of the world. Confirmed.

June was even more hilarious with unscheduled departures, finally arriving appraisal letters which were followed by the all but obvious exploitation that comes along with it (the recession is a lie, believe), the return of a certain Anuya (drunk, loud, American accent and ex in tow) and the departure of Rohit to the promised land of MBA-dom. Retailer conventions that were made of pure funny (if the concerned people are reading this do remember the following: store rooms, gas masks and stilletos). Oh and the FDA is full of shit banning Red Bull and then having it back on shelves.

July was busy. Rain, birthday (thanks a ton guys!), getting screwed over by alliance partners, irritating web developers and yeah i <3 the Backstreet Boys. Or so some people would love to believe. Not to mention catching the Hangover twice, T4 (which was epic bullshit) and Transformers 2 which was epic times zillion to the factor of infinity. Also a holiday for me what with the mombot going to Cairo and Dubai for awhile.

August was Singapore! Gotta love how the Mumbai Airport makes you feel secure, warm and fuzzy on departure like you should and makes you feel like a Guantanamo terror suspect on arrival what with chaos, pandemonium, stupid swine flu checks and complete, utter disregard for organization and traveler concerns that actually make you wonder why the Human Rights Comission hasn’t cracked down on the Mumbai Airport authorities yet. That aside launching a new website, saving two relationships, severing one and countless drunken nights at Harbor View made it one hellish month. Did i forget having a massive press event up and running in under two weeks? Yes it was that kind of month. You know, the one which was on PMS where that time of the month was everytime.

September had a feel of blah, meh and several shades of fugly settling in. For starters cryptic beer fuelled conversations with friends resulted in a scenario where at any given point in time not more than 2 people have an idea of what was being discussed making the term cloak and daggers seem relatively blatant. If this wasn’t enough, what about awkward engagements, relentless nagging for booking air tickets, torture (forced to maintain eye contact with not exactly the most pleasing of people for a play which was a mix of Sholay and video game culture, rather video game culture as perceived from a bunch of out of touch coots).

Now if you’ll excuse me i’ve some head trauma to nurse what with being privy to a night out where the spectacle of men feeling each other up was the highlight. However i’ll save that story for my next blog post.

April Awesomeness

14 Jun

April had its moments of madness. More so than any other month. Yet.  Pardon the lack of an update. Life is busy, distractive and even fun. All at the same time. Nevertheless here we go:

1. Lolcat exhibitions are awesome. Even more so when followed up by a few beers at the local watering hole, Ambience. Pity that the girls weren’t too keen about stepping into Croma. Fun times.

2. Tavern is an interesting place with interesting people and we live in interesting times. Yeah.

3.  Sundance is an even more interesting place provided you have the right people. Namely Raddy and Chetan.

4. Woodside Inn isn’t so interesting. Mainly because their pesto is sweet.

5.  Fake IPL Player’s blog was awesome. It’s a good thing he didn’t reveal himself. i’m waiting for the book to come out with the truth. Or the full length motion picture.

6. Exes are exes for a reason.

7.  Voting is overrated the only reason people have to do so is because it allows them to show their middle finger on TV and not be censored for it.

8. Conference calls come in two varieties. One described here. And another which is akin to going to a party that’s got the makings of something great what with the dim lighting, loads of alcohol and hot women. Until you start chatting one of them up, things start getting hot and heavy and then you realize she has a mustache. Conference calls. The bane of humanity. At least for this month.

9. Attention!

10. Garden State and Akira are great movies. Until you decide to watch them back to back.  And then it all goes to heck because you’re muddled with visions that cross two people kissing with mass amputations,  tumours and implosions.

11. Train rides are  unboring when they include you being privy to a conversation revolving around break ups, fetishes, vengeance and drama.

12.  XKCD

13. Pranks, Sundance and Old friends.

14.  Parents and Facebook.

15.  New Year’s Eve-ish thoughts. Yes Chetan, i missed out Lonvala. My bad totally. Very rare are nights made so epic with just half a litre of whisky and enough conversation to light up the entire continent of Africa. Believe.

16.  The Mater’s birfday!

17.  ”In the real world things are very different. You just need to look around you. Nobody wants to die that way. People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, ‘If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.”

18. No that post wasn’t for you, you or you.

Now Listening To:  The Killers – Exitlude

The Fake IPL Player Glossary

7 May

Kudos to an anonymous poster on the Fake IPL Player blog for this one. Should help clear up things for the unknowing few.

Durbaan of Patiala= Tom Moody(Coach of KXIP)
Vakil Saab= Kumara Sangakkara(as he is a trained lawyer)
Cool Dude=Dhoni
Saala Slimeball= Lalit Modi

Appam Chutiya – Sreesanth

Arnold Power – Ramesh Powar

Baja of Baroda – Anshuman Gaekwad

Bangla Tiger – Mortaza. Few people are also guessing Wriddhiman Saha.

Bantli – Preity

Bevdaa – Jessie Ryder

Bevdaa team – BRC – Bangalore Royal Challengers (Mallya’s Team)

Bhookha Naan – Buchanan

Big Brother – Raj Kundra

Big Mac – Mathew Hayden

Big Sister – Shilpa Shetty

Boy George – Joy Bhattacharya, CEO of KKR.

Bubaan – Arindam Ghosh

Bublee – Bret Lee

Bunty – Ness Wadia (Babli’s mate)

Calypso King – Gayle

Candy Nickel – Andy Bichel

Castro – Fidel Edwards

Chatterjee Kaaku – Old Guy from the KKR Ad ‘Tum Bhi Jeetoge’

Chhota Chetan – Cheteshwar Pujara

Chikna Pussy – David Hussey

Chinnu Popli – Shreevats Goswami

Chintu Singh – Anureet Singh

Chirkut Teli – Virat Kohli

Cool Dude – MS Dhoni

Darwaan of Patiala – Tom Moody

Deegrah Patan – Irfan

Dewar – Rahul Dravid

Dhakkans – Deccan Chargers

Durbaan – Tom Moody

FIP – Fake IPL PLayer

Former India fast bowler who will remain a former India fast bowler – Agarkar

Ganji Hanger – Sanjay Bangar

Ghati Baba – Rohit Sharma

Gilli danda – Ashok Dinda

Hawaii Chappal – Greg Chapel

India’s best fast bowler – Ishant Sharma

John Wrong – John Wright

Joker – Nepali guy (Chang) who was Indian Idol host

Junta/ Junta Tormentor – Ajanta Mendis

Kaan Moolo – Agarkar

Kaan Moolo – Ajit Agarkar

Kishen Kanhaiyya – Ravi Shastri

Laal Chaddi Dada / Lordie – Sourav Gangly

Lady Jaya – Jayawardene

Little John – Ishant Sharma

Little Monster – Sachin

Little Sister – Shamita Shetty

Lord Almighty/ Lordie – Sourav Ganguly

Mangal Pandey – LR Shukla

Mira Bhai – Harbhajan Singh

Mr. Batlivala – Mallya

Panty Curry – Robin Uthappa

Pedophile Priest – Gilchrist

Pedophile Priest – Gilchrist

Peter Ka Beta – Pietersen

Phoren babas – McCullum & Buchanan

Prince Charles of Patiala – Yuvraj Singh

Pussy – David Hussey

RDB – Ranadeb Bose

Re-Peter – Peterson

RVR Singh / Pamela Inder Singh – VRV Singh

Saala Slimeball – Lalit Modi

Sandy Baddy Babe – Mandira Bedi

Shakespeare – Aakash Chopra

Sheikh of Tweak – Shane Warne

Sparrow / Parrott – McGrath

Springbock – Rander Wyke

Springbok – Morne Van Wyk

Sticky Something – Ricky Ponting

Style Bhai spinner – Murali Karthik

Sultan of Tweak – Shane Warne

The Rajputs – RR – Rajasthan Royals

Vakkel Saab – Kumara Sangaksarra

Very very special friend Ram – VVS Laxman

Vinnie Dildo/ Badsaah Dildo – Shah Rukh Khan