Watching a tech event as it unfolds online and letting the world know what you think about it as it happens is the modern day equivalent of a bunch of prepubescent kids talking during a movie really loudly.
The only difference being, instead of the rest of the cinema beating them to a pulp, everyone and their grandmother has something to add the conversation, giving the casual observer a lot more of unnecessary chatter to wade through. So if you use Twitter, Facebook or any of those newfangled “social media” websites, be prepared to be carpet bombed with a slew of opinions. Most of which exist for the sheer need of validation.
After all, no other tech event attracts as much of a crowd as Apple what with a slew of announcements slated for the 22nd of this month, Granted it’s probably nothing more than new iPads and updated Macbook Pros, but that’s not going to stop the hordes from going online is there?
Having said that, while I can’t devise a foolproof way of avoiding all the unnecessary chatter, but I can take a guess on who are the people behind it. In no particular order:
1. Android fanboys: sure, Google has a Nexus announcement a few days later. But nothing makes the chip on their shoulder get any bigger (aside from gargantuan phones like the Note 3) than seeing how far behind they stand with regard to the competition. No surprise given how launchers that imitate iOS functionality almost, always top the Play Store. Expect them to be posting about how “Google did it first” , how “Apple is all about marketing” and how their “spec sheet is still rubbish”. Hell hath no fury like a fanboy scorned especially one from the rival camp.
2. Startup founders: apparently it’s important for such folks to be seen commenting on what Apple does rather than you know, focus on their own business which in most cases , has absolutely nothing to do with what happens in Cupertino. I guess it’s a way to while away time under the pretense of getting visibility with a cleverly framed tweet or two. There probably is a secret formula they have that links their witticisms on social networks during such events to lead to an increased valuation. Because apparently VCs like nothing more than grammatically incorrect statements that are controversial for the sake of being so. Peppered with an overdose of punctuation marks of course.
Journalists SEO monkeys: self-explanatory really, “content” sites need to cover the news and cover it on time. Given how lazy most writers are (this one included) you need a half-trained search engine optimisation chimp to wade through the clutter of search results and heavily referenced phrases from the event in order to shove it down the throat of the poor tech writer or journalist in the morning who was probably drinking himself to death last night. And probably commits suicide after losing his mind trying to figure out how to put all the needed keywords in a headline without giving away the story so unsuspecting website viewers actually click the link.
4. Apple fanboys: it wouldn’t be an event without them of course. They range from the diehards who wouldn’t think twice before letting go of their right gonad to get an iDevice to the born again sort who were all “Hurrr durrr Apple sux since Steeev died!!!” a year ago. From the entire bunch, they’re usually the most in number, already prepping themselves to go under the knife, to remove what organs they have left to get whatever Apple announces. Poor sods.
5. Nokia fanboys: yes they still exist. Like every year, they’ll simply talk about how “My N72/N95/*insert N and random number here* had all these features in 2005″. Which is a symptom of their condition: a reality distortion field greater than most Apple fanboys. To the point where they wish Nokia was never bought by Microsoft. But that’s a post for another time.
So if you value your sanity you’d best be served avoiding the internet from a little prior to 10:30 PM Indian Standard Time (or 10 AM Pacific Standard Time). Go out, have a drink, meet some friends, play a few video games, save the world. Unless, you’re one of the above, then go ahead. You’re fueling the laugh machine in ways more than one. Usually unintentionally.