Tag Archives: funny

Solution

17 May

So I think I’ve stumbled upon a solution to my little problem. I put in my papers. Got a haircut. Sampled some fine beer. Yes in that order but in the timespan that would’ve been apt.

Most of the week went by without a hitch what with the bossman a little too busy to question my sudden need for departure.  Dreading it though. I find the phrase “we need to talk” the most frightful one in the dictionary right after “we need to talk about your financials”. Fun times ahead. HR’s reaction was typical. Livid, contorted expression followed by the mandatory “I have to tell boss”.

On the bright side I do feel a lot lighter and happier already. Amazing what the mere words “I quit” can do for one’s psyche.

This  is going to be interesting what with an appraisal form dropping into my inbox which apparently needs to be filled up. I have a feeling the “suggestions and challenges faced” section is going to rival the Lord of the Rings in length. Unsurprising, given the amount of shit that’s been flying around. But then again, do I really give a damn?

Eight hours to Monday morning, and I’m actually looking forward to the confrontation the week brings. I must be some kind of masochist. You know the type who likes prolonged, draining mental and perhaps even emotional trauma. Fun.

Now Listening To: Bear Lake – You’re Only Waiting

Harassment

4 Mar

Sometime,  just around quitting time, February 18th.

Her: Would you like to see my niece?

Him: How would I see them? You’re wearing pants.

Slackerninja: *facepalm* Dude, that’s actually grounds for sexual harassment.

Him: The parts for harassment are above the knees.

Her: Whaaaa?

Slackerninja: *double facepalm*

Why Women Can’t Be Ninjas Part III

4 Feb

The final part in this epic saga of awesomeness. Maybe.

Sherrie: ahoy hoy

slackerninja: hey sup?

Sherrie: you have the funniest convos

slackerninja: totally

Sherrie: btw why exactly can’t women be ninjas?

slackerninja: THEY CANNOT! THEY DO NOT EXIST

Sherrie: what tha???

slackerninja: It’s like trying to say people get drunk on wine and white chocolate exists

Sherrie: but manga tells us otherwise!

slackerninja: or Lady Gaga is female

Sherrie: er, yes drunk on wine…

slackerninja: in your dreams

Sherrie: but i’m just saying, women are generally stealthier than men?

slackerninja: no…fatter doesn’t mean stealthier

Note to self: I still wonder how I survived that particular conversation, think it had something to do with  my copious consumption of Absolut Raspberry. And cranberry juice.

Insert appropriate The Departed reference here.

Now Listening To: Spoon – Got Nuffin

5 Months. One Post.

11 Oct

The last couple of months have been hectic around here. So let’s break it down in as concise a manner as possible.

May was, for all reason and purpose the month of epic drama. Be it the Fake IPL gallery, some great people at work leaving under pathetic circumstances, couples disentigrating faster than a 100 year old BMC deemed illegally unsafe building due for demolition and some crazy meetings. And there was a ramp walk at work which doubled as a gigantic circle-jerk session where everyone said nice things about everything to the point where it seemed as if unicorns were puking rainbows and ended with yours truly voted as the “angel” of the office. Yes this is the end of the world. Confirmed.

June was even more hilarious with unscheduled departures, finally arriving appraisal letters which were followed by the all but obvious exploitation that comes along with it (the recession is a lie, believe), the return of a certain Anuya (drunk, loud, American accent and ex in tow) and the departure of Rohit to the promised land of MBA-dom. Retailer conventions that were made of pure funny (if the concerned people are reading this do remember the following: store rooms, gas masks and stilletos). Oh and the FDA is full of shit banning Red Bull and then having it back on shelves.

July was busy. Rain, birthday (thanks a ton guys!), getting screwed over by alliance partners, irritating web developers and yeah i <3 the Backstreet Boys. Or so some people would love to believe. Not to mention catching the Hangover twice, T4 (which was epic bullshit) and Transformers 2 which was epic times zillion to the factor of infinity. Also a holiday for me what with the mombot going to Cairo and Dubai for awhile.

August was Singapore! Gotta love how the Mumbai Airport makes you feel secure, warm and fuzzy on departure like you should and makes you feel like a Guantanamo terror suspect on arrival what with chaos, pandemonium, stupid swine flu checks and complete, utter disregard for organization and traveler concerns that actually make you wonder why the Human Rights Comission hasn’t cracked down on the Mumbai Airport authorities yet. That aside launching a new website, saving two relationships, severing one and countless drunken nights at Harbor View made it one hellish month. Did i forget having a massive press event up and running in under two weeks? Yes it was that kind of month. You know, the one which was on PMS where that time of the month was everytime.

September had a feel of blah, meh and several shades of fugly settling in. For starters cryptic beer fuelled conversations with friends resulted in a scenario where at any given point in time not more than 2 people have an idea of what was being discussed making the term cloak and daggers seem relatively blatant. If this wasn’t enough, what about awkward engagements, relentless nagging for booking air tickets, torture (forced to maintain eye contact with not exactly the most pleasing of people for a play which was a mix of Sholay and video game culture, rather video game culture as perceived from a bunch of out of touch coots).

Now if you’ll excuse me i’ve some head trauma to nurse what with being privy to a night out where the spectacle of men feeling each other up was the highlight. However i’ll save that story for my next blog post.

Swine Flu: Origins

13 Sep

“You’re so emo.”

“Totally. So are you.”

“Yeah, i’m going to slash my wrists and write poems in blood.”

“While you’re at it gimme a vial of your blood.”

“Like Billy Bob Thorton and Angelina Jolie?”

“Yeah. Then we can be emo together.”

“Waitaminit, what makes you think he actually gave her his blood. i mean, what’s stopping him from culling some poor pig?”

“Okay then.”

Now Listening To: The Exies – Ugly

Feedback

15 Jul

Sherrie says: yo

rishi says: hey

Sherrie says: re yr blog post of the 8th of July

Sherrie says: i find yr use of such OBVIOUS episode IV references disturbing.

Sherrie says: GIMME COOKIE NAO KTHNXBAI

rishi says: These are not the cookies you are looking for.

rishi says: They’re rain soaked shoes stupid.

Sherrie says: those tricks only work on the weak-minded

rishi says: Hence you.

rishi says: :p

Dramatis Personae

22 Jun
dram·a·tis per·so·nae  (drm-ts pr-sn, dräm-ts pr-sn)
pl.n.
1. The characters in a play or story.
2. A list of the characters in a play or story.
[Latin drmatis, genitive of drma, drama + persnae, pl. of persna, character.]

For the uninitiated, the Free Dictionary entry for Dramatis Personae is as follows:

dram·a·tis per·so·nae  (drm-ts pr-sn, dräm-ts pr-sn)

pl.n.

1. The characters in a play or story.

2. A list of the characters in a play or story.

[Latin drmatis, genitive of drma, drama + persnae, pl. of persna, character.]

Keeping this in mind and the constant nagging of Raddy (which was as constant as the consistency of the Indian Cricket team. If they were Australia in the 2000′s) the next few posts will be dedicated to the awesomeness of the dramatis personae in my life.

Stay tuned for the funny, lame, retarded, godlike and alcoholic tales of those who are. Or something. Since i can think of a nice flourshing way to conclude this post, i’ll end it here. Yeah.

Now Listening To: Franz Ferdinand – Bite Hard

April Awesomeness

14 Jun

April had its moments of madness. More so than any other month. Yet.  Pardon the lack of an update. Life is busy, distractive and even fun. All at the same time. Nevertheless here we go:

1. Lolcat exhibitions are awesome. Even more so when followed up by a few beers at the local watering hole, Ambience. Pity that the girls weren’t too keen about stepping into Croma. Fun times.

2. Tavern is an interesting place with interesting people and we live in interesting times. Yeah.

3.  Sundance is an even more interesting place provided you have the right people. Namely Raddy and Chetan.

4. Woodside Inn isn’t so interesting. Mainly because their pesto is sweet.

5.  Fake IPL Player’s blog was awesome. It’s a good thing he didn’t reveal himself. i’m waiting for the book to come out with the truth. Or the full length motion picture.

6. Exes are exes for a reason.

7.  Voting is overrated the only reason people have to do so is because it allows them to show their middle finger on TV and not be censored for it.

8. Conference calls come in two varieties. One described here. And another which is akin to going to a party that’s got the makings of something great what with the dim lighting, loads of alcohol and hot women. Until you start chatting one of them up, things start getting hot and heavy and then you realize she has a mustache. Conference calls. The bane of humanity. At least for this month.

9. Attention!

10. Garden State and Akira are great movies. Until you decide to watch them back to back.  And then it all goes to heck because you’re muddled with visions that cross two people kissing with mass amputations,  tumours and implosions.

11. Train rides are  unboring when they include you being privy to a conversation revolving around break ups, fetishes, vengeance and drama.

12.  XKCD

13. Pranks, Sundance and Old friends.

14.  Parents and Facebook.

15.  New Year’s Eve-ish thoughts. Yes Chetan, i missed out Lonvala. My bad totally. Very rare are nights made so epic with just half a litre of whisky and enough conversation to light up the entire continent of Africa. Believe.

16.  The Mater’s birfday!

17.  ”In the real world things are very different. You just need to look around you. Nobody wants to die that way. People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, ‘If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.”

18. No that post wasn’t for you, you or you.

Now Listening To:  The Killers – Exitlude

Acid Test

25 May

It takes a week full of drama to realize that you’re bulletproof.

Now Listening To: Linkin Park – Bleed It Out

Picture This. Crankily.

18 May

You’re about to go to bed. The lights are out, you’re under the blanket and just about to close your eyes, awaiting entry into dream land. Life is good. Until you hear the creaking of your door.

A gargantuan figure walks in. Laptop in tow, conjuring the choicest scowls and abuse. Throw some fretting and frumping into the mix. Picture all possible entry into dream land denied. In the worst way possible. Along with some ranting about “internet” and “wi-fi”.

Five minutes and one simple fix later.

The gargantuan one finds you in her lair. Internet worthy laptop in tow. However the timing is all wrong. You just walked into a conversation between the mother of the gargantuan one and her. They were having a discussion that involved extremely talk-able topics like marriage, people, society and all that drama which apparently required your input. It wasn’t a conversation you were roped into, it was a crossfire.

Needless to say you never got to dream land. Or to sleep much. Which would explain why you’re here blogging about this. Crankily.

Now Listening To: Switchfoot – Awakening