Tag Archives: life

Ghostwork

22 May

It’s 5 AM on a Sunday morning. I’m in a dimly lit bathroom. Sitting on the pot, my feet mix freely with my own vomit which was my meal not more than 20 minutes ago. It resembles noodles, swimming in my own stomach fluids. A culmination of the last couple of weeks to be precise. There’s been a wedding in the family complete with delusional parents, a grandparent getting a blood transfusion, an issue of T3 being closed by just 3 people, conspiratorial “friends” and yes, a little too much alcohol. Even for my liking. Quite apt then that I’ve managed to get all that drama out of my system. Even if it was at the cost of some instant noodles.

My left toe is stubbed. The nail split in half, bleeding. The blood marries my puke. You can barely tell the difference after a few moments. I’m just tired. Actually, tired doesn’t begin to explain how brutally exhausted I feel. I’m wallowing in more than just my own filth, dirt and plasma. And I’m doing more than just wallowing. Try drowning. At some level this seems completely palapable. Even normal.

After what seems like an eternity I manage to pull myself up, turn the shower knob and wash it all away. The noodles put up fierce resistance at the drain. Much like I do under the cold shower. It’s freezing, seems alien and foreboding. But it’s done. Before I know it I’m on my mattress. Sleep doesn’t come easy though, I’m awake every hour. On the hour.

And all this while I’m thinking.  It’s as if every single thing that pissed the living daylights out of me in the last couple of weeks created a rift in my thought process so much so that  there was so much more clarity in thought than I’ve had in the last four years. I could feel a warm glow when there was none. A calm voice keeping nerves at bay. It was…interesting.

This could be the start of something exceptional. Or my years of hedonism are finally catching up with me leading me to absolute and total craziness. Either way, this should be fun if not completely vague and almost totally indescribable. It’s amazing what a pack of poisonous noodles can do for you apart from well, poisoning you.

Now Listening To: 13 & God – Superman on Ice

…And We’re Back!

15 Nov

Your PC, Right Now- Slackerninja’s Freestyle Dojo announces Slackerninja’s return. With the fury of a thousand uppity John Cleese’s melting down in classic Fawlty Towers rage everyone’s favorite slacker and ninja makes his much awaited return to the blogosphere after a much needed hiatus due to a wide range of issues that he needed to tackle namely work woes, women, alcohol and all the trappings that usually lead to the downfall of up and coming artists. Also, lack of time to blog and an overdose of micro-blogging aka Twitter.

Since he’s put these problems behind him he will be back regularly with a lot of venom and vigor than expected from a jaded six year blogger who’s seen it all from rick rolls to flame wars and even the occasional civil conversation. Internet drama aside he’s had an eventful year with a job switch, more games than you can shake a stick at, realizations about the company he keeps and enough liquor to make Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse and the entire cast of Jersey Shore appear sober (yes, that much).

“Yes he’s back and he’s got a lot to say. In fact at the moment he’s prepping new material for the upcoming 7th season and he’s asked me to read out this statement to all you fans:

We’re no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of

You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We’ve know each other for so long

Your heart’s been aching

But you’re too shy to say it

Inside we both know what’s been going on

We know the game and we’re gonna play it

And if you ask me how I’m feeling

Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

He also asked me to say,”You got rickrolled!”…sonofa..” were the last words Rishi Alwani said as he burst into an almost cataclysmic rage and entered a state of catatonic shock.

Slackerninja’s new season begins now and welcomes all and sundry. Geeks, gamers, hot women preferred.

About SLACKERNINJA

SLACKERNINJA’s Freestyle Dojo and Parallel Universe is a leading developer, publisher and manufacturer of internet trolling, geekery and failed attempts at comedy, writing and awesome. Slackerninja’s likes include video games, anime, movies, almost every kind of music and ranting.The latest information about SLACKERNINJA can be found on the web at www.slackerninja.com. SLACKERNINJA is a publicly traded person based in Mumbai with subsidiary offices on twitter (@slackerninja) and facebook (facebook.com/slackerninja). SLACKERNINJA CORPORATION is traded on the internet under the ticker symbol AWESOME. Details of the products published by SLACKERNINJA can be found at www.slackerninja.com.

Solution

17 May

So I think I’ve stumbled upon a solution to my little problem. I put in my papers. Got a haircut. Sampled some fine beer. Yes in that order but in the timespan that would’ve been apt.

Most of the week went by without a hitch what with the bossman a little too busy to question my sudden need for departure.  Dreading it though. I find the phrase “we need to talk” the most frightful one in the dictionary right after “we need to talk about your financials”. Fun times ahead. HR’s reaction was typical. Livid, contorted expression followed by the mandatory “I have to tell boss”.

On the bright side I do feel a lot lighter and happier already. Amazing what the mere words “I quit” can do for one’s psyche.

This  is going to be interesting what with an appraisal form dropping into my inbox which apparently needs to be filled up. I have a feeling the “suggestions and challenges faced” section is going to rival the Lord of the Rings in length. Unsurprising, given the amount of shit that’s been flying around. But then again, do I really give a damn?

Eight hours to Monday morning, and I’m actually looking forward to the confrontation the week brings. I must be some kind of masochist. You know the type who likes prolonged, draining mental and perhaps even emotional trauma. Fun.

Now Listening To: Bear Lake – You’re Only Waiting

*sigh*

10 May

It’s 5: 22 AM.

By the time I’m done typing this post, it’ll be close to 6 AM on a Monday morning if not already past it.

Needless to say, things are pretty messed up if you find yourself in front of your computer screen in a post-sleep, caffeine and Gatorade fueled haze in a vain, almost cursory attempt at trying to be coherent on a blog that has been, of late a dumping ground for perverse jokes and randomness instead of doing the 24465476879346322154667799 other things that do matter in a life span that’s relatively short and useless relative to the great scheme of things in the universe.

Read that last paragraph? 4 lines. One sentence. Good-bye coherency and sense, I barely knew you.

Then again, it joins the ranks of seemingly important, high priority entities that I’ve lost a grip on. I feel directionless, burned out and on the verge of , if not already in, some sick, twisted form of misery and depression.

Amazing isn’t it? Close to 2 years ago I thought I won the proverbial lottery in the most literal sense possible. I was in an industry I loved working on things that mattered and making a difference. Or so I thought.

Right now everything leading up to this moment seems completely disjointed, a rambling Frankenstein-like specimen stitched together by delusions of self-worth. Everything seems to be colored in monotony. Waking up is a chore, getting to work even a bigger one, surviving the day, the biggest of all. And it makes me wonder.

You know that in superhero flicks and comics there’s a prolonged period of struggle before they finally manage to find a way to defeat their villains right? This period of my life seems like those 5-10 pages or the odd thirty minutes of celluloid struggle. On constant loop. A rerun of cheap satire that’s probably keeping some alien race entertained as they’re watching from high above, a comedic filler giving their aspirations of galactic domination a massive boost if this was an indicator of how the rest of humanity pans out.

I’m just tired. Frayed. And seven shades of shit rolled into one convenient package that’s prevented from hitting the fan due to a heady mix of music, video games, anime, coffee and alcohol. But for how long?

There’s only so much an IQ of 160 severed by a dominant right-brain can do. Couple that with a personal life that’s as healthy as a dead person and social life where the high point is getting sloshed on a Saturday night leads me to believe that I need a change. A change of everything. A change from everyone. A change absolutely wholesale.

I need to find a way out. Before life becomes the death of me. Until a suitable solution is found I’ll be busy helping stone golems discover who they were before they became well…stone golems.

Stone Golems. Making hating pigeons cool since forever.

Oh what do you know? It’s 6:40 AM. Am I Nostradamus or what?

Now Listening To: Queens of the Stone Age – In the Fade

The Evolution of Relationships As Per Google

12 Mar

Seems that the requisite skills required include hacking Orkut and Gmail, maintaining weight, proficiency in English and  be biologically sound ( for procreation and kissing). As long as you don’t click the “I’m feeling lucky” button, you should be good.  You might just end up at the Geek epicenter of the Internet.

Now Playing: Foo Fighters – New Way Home

Harassment

4 Mar

Sometime,  just around quitting time, February 18th.

Her: Would you like to see my niece?

Him: How would I see them? You’re wearing pants.

Slackerninja: *facepalm* Dude, that’s actually grounds for sexual harassment.

Him: The parts for harassment are above the knees.

Her: Whaaaa?

Slackerninja: *double facepalm*

Why Women Can’t Be Ninjas Part III

4 Feb

The final part in this epic saga of awesomeness. Maybe.

Sherrie: ahoy hoy

slackerninja: hey sup?

Sherrie: you have the funniest convos

slackerninja: totally

Sherrie: btw why exactly can’t women be ninjas?

slackerninja: THEY CANNOT! THEY DO NOT EXIST

Sherrie: what tha???

slackerninja: It’s like trying to say people get drunk on wine and white chocolate exists

Sherrie: but manga tells us otherwise!

slackerninja: or Lady Gaga is female

Sherrie: er, yes drunk on wine…

slackerninja: in your dreams

Sherrie: but i’m just saying, women are generally stealthier than men?

slackerninja: no…fatter doesn’t mean stealthier

Note to self: I still wonder how I survived that particular conversation, think it had something to do with  my copious consumption of Absolut Raspberry. And cranberry juice.

Insert appropriate The Departed reference here.

Now Listening To: Spoon – Got Nuffin

Busy

1 Aug

Work. Twitter. DS. FFVII. MGS1. FIFA09.Assassin’s Creed. CoD4. KOFXII. Terminator 4. Brothers Bloom. Work.Whisky. Birfday.Transformers 2. Work. Beer. Long Island Ice Tea. The Killers. Air. Terry Pratchett. Travelling. Commuting. Drama. Politics. Friends. Work. PS3. Xbox 360. Windows7. Fail. Win. Bills. Singapore. Life.

Now Listening To: The Killers – Losing Touch

Dramatis Personae

22 Jun
dram·a·tis per·so·nae  (drm-ts pr-sn, dräm-ts pr-sn)
pl.n.
1. The characters in a play or story.
2. A list of the characters in a play or story.
[Latin drmatis, genitive of drma, drama + persnae, pl. of persna, character.]

For the uninitiated, the Free Dictionary entry for Dramatis Personae is as follows:

dram·a·tis per·so·nae  (drm-ts pr-sn, dräm-ts pr-sn)

pl.n.

1. The characters in a play or story.

2. A list of the characters in a play or story.

[Latin drmatis, genitive of drma, drama + persnae, pl. of persna, character.]

Keeping this in mind and the constant nagging of Raddy (which was as constant as the consistency of the Indian Cricket team. If they were Australia in the 2000′s) the next few posts will be dedicated to the awesomeness of the dramatis personae in my life.

Stay tuned for the funny, lame, retarded, godlike and alcoholic tales of those who are. Or something. Since i can think of a nice flourshing way to conclude this post, i’ll end it here. Yeah.

Now Listening To: Franz Ferdinand – Bite Hard

Acid Test

25 May

It takes a week full of drama to realize that you’re bulletproof.

Now Listening To: Linkin Park – Bleed It Out

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