Tag Archives: LOL

I’m Batman?

26 May

He: “So who is the Marvel superhero who they’re going to announce as gay?”

Me: “Marvel? No man, DC.”

He: “Is it Spiderman? Superman? I think it will be Batman.”

Me: *awkward, long, deliberate pause*

He: “Because…”

Me: “No. No. No. Just NO! Not happening.”

He: “Why not?”

Me: “He’s a complete bad ass that’s why!”

He: “But it would explain a lot of things.”

Me: “Yeah I guess that would explain Robin.”

He: “The overcompensating gruff voice, the fact that he isn’t prone to Catwoman’s charms.”

Me: “Or Poison Ivy for that matter. His fascination for the Joker. Yeah, guess you’re right. The logic makes sense.”

He: “The only reason they won’t do it is because of backlash from the fans.”

Me: “True, but you know what would be funny? XYZ is a huge fan. In fact his better half even told me that he paraded around his college dorm in a Batman costume.”

He: “Seriously?”

Me: “Yes. Imagine how this would screw with his head?”

He: “In ways more than one.”

I’m going to Hell

10 Nov

So this happened a few minutes ago…

Mr. X: Recommend me a sitcom pls :) Dudeee

me: Suits

Mr. X: Dude saw it, anything else

Mr. X: N btw suits is not a sitcom :p its drama

Mr. X: Sitcom is only comedy

Mr. X: Like himym,friends,seinfeld

Mr. X: Think n tell

me: Community :P Big Bang Theory, South park

Mr. X: Seen :-|

Mr. X: Then

Mr. X: Anything new?

me: 2 girls 1 cup

Mr. X: Or really old

Mr. X: Whats that abt?

me: watch it

Mr. X: 1 girls 2 cups is normal :-|

Mr. X: Ok

me: lemonparty

Mr. X: Hmm

Mr. X: Checking these two thanks

Mr. X: Tell me more if u know

me: Goatse

Mr. X: K checkin

Mr. X: Cant find goatse on imdb

me: google or youtube

Mr. X: Wow all 3 not listed

Mr. X: So these just air on youtube

Mr. X: No download :-|

me: look around, you’ll find ‘em

Mr. X: Wtf is that porn?

Mr. X: 0_o

me: lol no

Mr. X: Search says not safe

me: your machine is prolly a pr0n server

Mr. X: Its something to trick ur friends n record reactions :-|

me: lulwut?! It’s not a reality show, it’s a sitcom

Mr. X: Download link pls

me: *redacted*

Mr. X: Is it nsfw?

me: no

Mr. X: Cool

Mr. X’s new status message – Im The Lyrical Gangster \m/

Now Listening to: Metallica- Ronnie

The (S)hit List: My Favorite Games of 2K10

18 Jul

Yes this is super late, but in my defense, there were so many great games in 2010 that I’m still playing them. Anyhoo, without further delay (or irony)…


1. New Vegas! Now with a better soundtrack, post-apocalyptic goodness, more options than an octopus has tentacles and no dorky Zach Galifianakis or anyone remotely associated with The Hangover. Unless someone makes a mod for it. Bring your own roofies though.

2. Aside from battling giant sentient alien ships and tapping your crew members, Mass Effect 2′s greatest success is making you playthrough 30-odd hours of what is actually, the world’s first intergalactic recruitment simulator.

3. While Rockstar’s stellar Red Dead Redemption has absolutely no relation to Nintendo’s pink ball of joy, Kirby’s Epic Yarn  was the polar opposite of the coolest rendition of the Wild West (complete with being able to tie a woman to a railway track!). With the objective of confusing the crap out of everyone and pissing off the purists, the above picture does the job. As well as confirm nothing but both games are awesome and you’d be a dark empty void if you don’t play either. And both.

4. Shamelessly ripped from my IVG write up on Vanquish:

Overheard at a video game store:
“Oh, what’s this game Vanquish about?”
“Hmmm, I dunno, I’d Google it but my EDGE network sucks.”
“Well, it looks interesting, guns and all. But, but, but…the dude is not Kratos, Master Chief, Marcus Phoenix, Sam Fisher or even those random soldiers from COD.”
“You’re right, without any of those on the cover, it’s definitely not a good game. Let’s get Splinter Cell: Conviction instead!”
That is probably why Vanquish is the Best Game No One Played. It leads to two observations. One: people are too lazy to read the back of the box. Two: a decent portion of you have played the game; enough to recognize that this is without a doubt the most superlative title that everyone missed out on. It’s a tragedy because it’s got great gameplay, fantastic production values, and it allows you to throw back rockets fired at you by giant robots.

 

5. Bonus image! Best dialogue of 2010:

Wait, what?

 

Ghostwork

22 May

It’s 5 AM on a Sunday morning. I’m in a dimly lit bathroom. Sitting on the pot, my feet mix freely with my own vomit which was my meal not more than 20 minutes ago. It resembles noodles, swimming in my own stomach fluids. A culmination of the last couple of weeks to be precise. There’s been a wedding in the family complete with delusional parents, a grandparent getting a blood transfusion, an issue of T3 being closed by just 3 people, conspiratorial “friends” and yes, a little too much alcohol. Even for my liking. Quite apt then that I’ve managed to get all that drama out of my system. Even if it was at the cost of some instant noodles.

My left toe is stubbed. The nail split in half, bleeding. The blood marries my puke. You can barely tell the difference after a few moments. I’m just tired. Actually, tired doesn’t begin to explain how brutally exhausted I feel. I’m wallowing in more than just my own filth, dirt and plasma. And I’m doing more than just wallowing. Try drowning. At some level this seems completely palapable. Even normal.

After what seems like an eternity I manage to pull myself up, turn the shower knob and wash it all away. The noodles put up fierce resistance at the drain. Much like I do under the cold shower. It’s freezing, seems alien and foreboding. But it’s done. Before I know it I’m on my mattress. Sleep doesn’t come easy though, I’m awake every hour. On the hour.

And all this while I’m thinking.  It’s as if every single thing that pissed the living daylights out of me in the last couple of weeks created a rift in my thought process so much so that  there was so much more clarity in thought than I’ve had in the last four years. I could feel a warm glow when there was none. A calm voice keeping nerves at bay. It was…interesting.

This could be the start of something exceptional. Or my years of hedonism are finally catching up with me leading me to absolute and total craziness. Either way, this should be fun if not completely vague and almost totally indescribable. It’s amazing what a pack of poisonous noodles can do for you apart from well, poisoning you.

Now Listening To: 13 & God – Superman on Ice

Thought of the Day

16 Nov

We are anonymous. We are Legion. For each that falls, ten shall take his place.

We do not forgive. We do not forget. We are everywhere and we are nowhere. We cannot be found. We cannot be fought. We cannot be counted. We cannot be named.

Unless we post this message on a public blog or forum on which our personal details exist. Oh shi…!!!

 

The Great Purge/Stuff That Needs A New Home (Or Hard Drive)

15 Nov

True story. Happened 2 months earlier than the time stamp though.

 

Every now and then events lead you to get rid of a clusterfuck of items that are in your possession. Luckily most of mine are digital. However I’m of the firm belief that one man’s (soon to be) discarded  emotional, digital baggage is another’s unadulterated playhouse of euphoria. So I have up for grabs the following items in my possession:

1. How I Met Your Mother – 120 episodes

2. Dexter – 56 episodes

3. Assorted Indie Music – 15 songs or so

4. Random chat logs, text logs and emails – too many to count

5. A single someecards.com account

6.  Ability to read Terry Pratchett’s books

7.  Tolerance to listen to Beirut’s music

While I can very easily delete most of the above items permanently, I feel that should be the very last step given that it could save someone some bandwidth and perhaps add some giggles to what is usually a drab, humdrum life. The reason for getting rid of these things isn’t because they cause me any soul decaying grief but simply  because they’ve outlived their usefulness a long time ago and I need to clean out my personal and mental space for the new awesome.

That and, more free hard drive space is always welcome.

In other words, this is my way of saying to the world, “Bring it on!”, preferably in a voice like  Batman or Rorschach because I think that I can play a brutal, dark anti-hero who feeds kidnappers to their own dogs, cripple mob bosses and pets kittens but I digress…

Interested parties can transfer an amount of their choosing to my PayPal account which is areyoufuckingkiddingmewiththisexcuseofapostyoutwat [at] slackerninja [dot] com. Items would be shipped via inter-dimensional wormhole or Diagon Alley.

Solution

17 May

So I think I’ve stumbled upon a solution to my little problem. I put in my papers. Got a haircut. Sampled some fine beer. Yes in that order but in the timespan that would’ve been apt.

Most of the week went by without a hitch what with the bossman a little too busy to question my sudden need for departure.  Dreading it though. I find the phrase “we need to talk” the most frightful one in the dictionary right after “we need to talk about your financials”. Fun times ahead. HR’s reaction was typical. Livid, contorted expression followed by the mandatory “I have to tell boss”.

On the bright side I do feel a lot lighter and happier already. Amazing what the mere words “I quit” can do for one’s psyche.

This  is going to be interesting what with an appraisal form dropping into my inbox which apparently needs to be filled up. I have a feeling the “suggestions and challenges faced” section is going to rival the Lord of the Rings in length. Unsurprising, given the amount of shit that’s been flying around. But then again, do I really give a damn?

Eight hours to Monday morning, and I’m actually looking forward to the confrontation the week brings. I must be some kind of masochist. You know the type who likes prolonged, draining mental and perhaps even emotional trauma. Fun.

Now Listening To: Bear Lake – You’re Only Waiting

*sigh*

10 May

It’s 5: 22 AM.

By the time I’m done typing this post, it’ll be close to 6 AM on a Monday morning if not already past it.

Needless to say, things are pretty messed up if you find yourself in front of your computer screen in a post-sleep, caffeine and Gatorade fueled haze in a vain, almost cursory attempt at trying to be coherent on a blog that has been, of late a dumping ground for perverse jokes and randomness instead of doing the 24465476879346322154667799 other things that do matter in a life span that’s relatively short and useless relative to the great scheme of things in the universe.

Read that last paragraph? 4 lines. One sentence. Good-bye coherency and sense, I barely knew you.

Then again, it joins the ranks of seemingly important, high priority entities that I’ve lost a grip on. I feel directionless, burned out and on the verge of , if not already in, some sick, twisted form of misery and depression.

Amazing isn’t it? Close to 2 years ago I thought I won the proverbial lottery in the most literal sense possible. I was in an industry I loved working on things that mattered and making a difference. Or so I thought.

Right now everything leading up to this moment seems completely disjointed, a rambling Frankenstein-like specimen stitched together by delusions of self-worth. Everything seems to be colored in monotony. Waking up is a chore, getting to work even a bigger one, surviving the day, the biggest of all. And it makes me wonder.

You know that in superhero flicks and comics there’s a prolonged period of struggle before they finally manage to find a way to defeat their villains right? This period of my life seems like those 5-10 pages or the odd thirty minutes of celluloid struggle. On constant loop. A rerun of cheap satire that’s probably keeping some alien race entertained as they’re watching from high above, a comedic filler giving their aspirations of galactic domination a massive boost if this was an indicator of how the rest of humanity pans out.

I’m just tired. Frayed. And seven shades of shit rolled into one convenient package that’s prevented from hitting the fan due to a heady mix of music, video games, anime, coffee and alcohol. But for how long?

There’s only so much an IQ of 160 severed by a dominant right-brain can do. Couple that with a personal life that’s as healthy as a dead person and social life where the high point is getting sloshed on a Saturday night leads me to believe that I need a change. A change of everything. A change from everyone. A change absolutely wholesale.

I need to find a way out. Before life becomes the death of me. Until a suitable solution is found I’ll be busy helping stone golems discover who they were before they became well…stone golems.

Stone Golems. Making hating pigeons cool since forever.

Oh what do you know? It’s 6:40 AM. Am I Nostradamus or what?

Now Listening To: Queens of the Stone Age – In the Fade

Overheard at Work Volume I

1 May

Dear blog,

Seems I’ve been spending too much time on Twitter. But don’t fret, it all leads up to moments that are valuable fodder for you and you alone. Oh maybe for the non-existent traversers of the internet who may chance upon this post of sheer awesome. And by awesome I mean a copy-paste a well edited and thought out compilation of what’s been going on in the Twatterverse Twitterverse.

So without further adieu to quote everyone’s favorite electronic duo, HERE WE GO!

‘I complimented her…in a parallel universe.’

‘All you guys are at your phones busy getting anti-social.’

‘I do not call it a pipe. I call it a straw.’

‘We can use profanity at work. That’s fucking awesome!’

“You didn’t “overhear it” someone told it to you!” #GG

“Do something for the kids!!!”

“It’s a Macbook Pro, it’s for PRO users.” #applefans

‘Would you like to taste my tasty nut?”

‘Better than you and your frilly underwear.’ #wtf

I work in a tweet worthy place. RT @gounder Heard at work: @slackerninja, i’m gonna call you tweetie cause you tweat a lot…

” The similarity between life & my left butt cheek…neither are right nor fair.”

“Don’t you know me by now? I’m not soft.”

“The Resident Evil video game did well right? That’s great for a movie based franchise.”

“If you’re a member, bring your member for a 50% discount on services offered”.

“Even if you’re vegetarian you cannot eat without a plate.”

“It has nothing to do with size…I’m telling you man to man”.

So as you can see, it’s all been done for your well-being and all-round epic win. Having said that I shall furnish you with more posts regularly lest you do to me what Elin does to Tiger Woods in Southpark.

Pwnt Ho!

Now Listening To: The Chemical Brothers – The Test

Harassment

4 Mar

Sometime,  just around quitting time, February 18th.

Her: Would you like to see my niece?

Him: How would I see them? You’re wearing pants.

Slackerninja: *facepalm* Dude, that’s actually grounds for sexual harassment.

Him: The parts for harassment are above the knees.

Her: Whaaaa?

Slackerninja: *double facepalm*

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