Tag Archives: LOL
The Secret Santa Diaries: Part III
18 DecHe: So.
Me: Yes?
He: Been following the Secret Santa thread.
Me: Uh-huh.
He: How butthurt are A, B and C feeling?
Me: Dude. Go ask them?
He: U jelly?
Me: Why would I be? But yeah, any luck getting him stuff?
He: Oh yes. It’s been arranged.
Me: o_O. What?
He: Strippers in a cake.
Me: Look. Knowing you,that’s possible. But is that even legal?
He: No. It’s not what you’re thinking.
Me: Then what? You’re referring to skimply clad women emerging from a sea of chocolate cake giving someone sexy times.
He: No. It’s not what you’re thinking.
Me: Oh I’d like to see you explain this to the guy you’re secret santa to.
He: See. The idea is simple. Hot babes emerge from a the cake (red velvet, not cliched chocolate, I’m a classy guy after all). But they got gaming laptops so instead of giving him a lap dance they take on each other in CoD and FIFA. One on one.
Me: The f**k?!
He: Tits and games. Best gift ever.
Me: I wish you’d be my Santa next year.
He: Oh quit being so butthurt.
Me: Jerk.
The Secret Santa Diaries: Part II
17 DecHe: You can’t be serious. I can’t get him pr0n bro. Sorry. How will I ship it?
Me: Well, this is the kind of guy he is…
He: What? A depraved lunatic who just sits in front of a computer jacking off?
Me: Close. But he does take some time off from those activities to play a few video games.
He: A “few”? He’s active on almost every thread on IVG! It makes it tough to get him something :\
Me: Hehehehe you know so little.
He: Huh?
Me: You see, he likes to *show* he plays everything. But there are only two games he really plays. CoD and FIFA. Everything else is bought but untouched.
He: Oh. Like most of IVG then.
Me: STFU bitch.
The Secret Santa Diaries: Part I
16 DecHe: Sup bro?
Me: Not much. Chilling.
He: How’s it going?
Me: All good, all good. So hey, I saw your message.
He: Yeah…about that. Any ideas? I’m kinda blank on what to get him for the IVG Secret Santa.
Me: Hmmm….yeah. Good question. Well…
He: I mean I’ve been searching *everything* he’s ever posted on IVG, scoured his other gaming accounts. No luck.
Me: Not surprised.
He: Why?
Me: He’s more active on forums that have free MMSes among other things. If you get my drift.
He: LOL?!
Me: No seriously. The guy’s addicted to a variety of pr0n or so my sources tell me. Why do you think he keeps using the word “butthurt” so damn often?
He: He likes being buggered?
Me: There you go. Now you know what to get him.
The Year In Geek Musings
15 Dec- What do you call a hacktivist DJ? Anonymau5.
- I’m not watching The Artist because I’m waiting for the subtitled version.
- The technique by which a Disney movie character talks directly to the audience is called breaking the fourth walt.
- Generation gap is that chasm you push your sibling off for not having heard Blur’s Coffee & TV.
- Dear Instagram users, #stop #describing #your #pics #like #this. Thank you.
- If Mamta Banerjee was a DJ she’d be called Deadmaos.
- Why could you be charged for lewd conduct if you got Metal Gear Solid HD Collection Vita? Because you’d have a snake in your pants.
- If the tech biz was a Marvel comic, Google would be Galactus.
- Communication is DRM.
- Google Play hits 25 billion downloads. Launches “APK Bhej Yaar!” app to get all the pirates on board.
- It’s called Uncharted because Nathan Drake uses maps on iOS 6.
- If Darksiders was set in the Pokemon universe, the Charred Council would be the Charizard Council.
- If J.Lo started a Japanese animation studio it would be called Studio Gigli.
- “FUS ROH D’OH!”, Dragonborn Homer Simpson.
- What’s the internal committee that names different versions of the Android OS? Sweet Dish House Mafia.
- What did do Jedi answer when asked which iPhone to buy? May the 4S be with you.
- Office confirmed for iOS and Android. Bring your own Steve Carell jokes.
- If Kanye West made a movie on Orson Welles it would be called Citizen Kanye.
- An analytics and monetisation app for desserts is called McFlurry.
- Argo. Because we’re never going to get a Metal Gear Solid movie so watch Ben Affleck do his best to look like Solid Snake in a suit.
- Camp Noukia.
- Yo Apple, there are a lot of other things people can hold with one hand, not just the Nexus 7.
- Mumbai cabbies who are Apple fans drive Premier iPadminis.
- Overheard: “I’m not getting Halo 4 since I’m waiting for Halo 4S!”
- One sentence to sum up the Indian video games industry? Standing on the shoulders of midgets.
- This Diwali date a patakha instead of bursting one. Either way you’re going to get burnt.
- If Star Wars ever has a morbidly obese alien singing troupe they should be called Abba the Hutt.
- No articles on how GTA V would be better as a freemium or social experience on iOS/Android/Facebook. Hope for humanity indeed.
- Rajiv Makhni is the Bizarro world version of MG Siegler.
- The guy running TEDx in India got fired for running things in reverse. He’s now an xTED.
- What’s the favourite football club of a casual game programmer? Manchester Unity.
I’m Batman?
26 MayHe: “So who is the Marvel superhero who they’re going to announce as gay?”
Me: “Marvel? No man, DC.”
He: “Is it Spiderman? Superman? I think it will be Batman.”
Me: *awkward, long, deliberate pause*
He: “Because…”
Me: “No. No. No. Just NO! Not happening.”
He: “Why not?”
Me: “He’s a complete bad ass that’s why!”
He: “But it would explain a lot of things.”
Me: “Yeah I guess that would explain Robin.”
He: “The overcompensating gruff voice, the fact that he isn’t prone to Catwoman’s charms.”
Me: “Or Poison Ivy for that matter. His fascination for the Joker. Yeah, guess you’re right. The logic makes sense.”
He: “The only reason they won’t do it is because of backlash from the fans.”
Me: “True, but you know what would be funny? XYZ is a huge fan. In fact his better half even told me that he paraded around his college dorm in a Batman costume.”
He: “Seriously?”
Me: “Yes. Imagine how this would screw with his head?”
He: “In ways more than one.”
I’m going to Hell
10 NovSo this happened a few minutes ago…
Mr. X: Recommend me a sitcom pls
Dudeee
me: Suits
Mr. X: Dude saw it, anything else
Mr. X: N btw suits is not a sitcom :p its drama
Mr. X: Sitcom is only comedy
Mr. X: Like himym,friends,seinfeld
Mr. X: Think n tell
me: Community
Big Bang Theory, South park
Mr. X: Seen
Mr. X: Then
Mr. X: Anything new?
me: 2 girls 1 cup
Mr. X: Or really old
Mr. X: Whats that abt?
me: watch it
Mr. X: 1 girls 2 cups is normal
Mr. X: Ok
me: lemonparty
Mr. X: Hmm
Mr. X: Checking these two thanks
Mr. X: Tell me more if u know
me: Goatse
Mr. X: K checkin
Mr. X: Cant find goatse on imdb
me: google or youtube
Mr. X: Wow all 3 not listed
Mr. X: So these just air on youtube
Mr. X: No download
me: look around, you’ll find ‘em
Mr. X: Wtf is that porn?
Mr. X: 0_o
me: lol no
Mr. X: Search says not safe
me: your machine is prolly a pr0n server
Mr. X: Its something to trick ur friends n record reactions
me: lulwut?! It’s not a reality show, it’s a sitcom
Mr. X: Download link pls
me: *redacted*
Mr. X: Is it nsfw?
me: no
Mr. X: Cool
Mr. X’s new status message – Im The Lyrical Gangster \m/
Now Listening to: Metallica- Ronnie
The (S)hit List: My Favorite Games of 2K10
18 JulYes this is super late, but in my defense, there were so many great games in 2010 that I’m still playing them. Anyhoo, without further delay (or irony)…
1. New Vegas! Now with a better soundtrack, post-apocalyptic goodness, more options than an octopus has tentacles and no dorky Zach Galifianakis or anyone remotely associated with The Hangover. Unless someone makes a mod for it. Bring your own roofies though.
2. Aside from battling giant sentient alien ships and tapping your crew members, Mass Effect 2′s greatest success is making you playthrough 30-odd hours of what is actually, the world’s first intergalactic recruitment simulator.
3. While Rockstar’s stellar Red Dead Redemption has absolutely no relation to Nintendo’s pink ball of joy, Kirby’s Epic Yarn was the polar opposite of the coolest rendition of the Wild West (complete with being able to tie a woman to a railway track!). With the objective of confusing the crap out of everyone and pissing off the purists, the above picture does the job. As well as confirm nothing but both games are awesome and you’d be a dark empty void if you don’t play either. And both.
4. Shamelessly ripped from my IVG write up on Vanquish:
Overheard at a video game store:
“Oh, what’s this game Vanquish about?”
“Hmmm, I dunno, I’d Google it but my EDGE network sucks.”
“Well, it looks interesting, guns and all. But, but, but…the dude is not Kratos, Master Chief, Marcus Phoenix, Sam Fisher or even those random soldiers from COD.”
“You’re right, without any of those on the cover, it’s definitely not a good game. Let’s get Splinter Cell: Conviction instead!”
That is probably why Vanquish is the Best Game No One Played. It leads to two observations. One: people are too lazy to read the back of the box. Two: a decent portion of you have played the game; enough to recognize that this is without a doubt the most superlative title that everyone missed out on. It’s a tragedy because it’s got great gameplay, fantastic production values, and it allows you to throw back rockets fired at you by giant robots.
5. Bonus image! Best dialogue of 2010:
Wait, what?
Ghostwork
22 MayIt’s 5 AM on a Sunday morning. I’m in a dimly lit bathroom. Sitting on the pot, my feet mix freely with my own vomit which was my meal not more than 20 minutes ago. It resembles noodles, swimming in my own stomach fluids. A culmination of the last couple of weeks to be precise. There’s been a wedding in the family complete with delusional parents, a grandparent getting a blood transfusion, an issue of T3 being closed by just 3 people, conspiratorial “friends” and yes, a little too much alcohol. Even for my liking. Quite apt then that I’ve managed to get all that drama out of my system. Even if it was at the cost of some instant noodles.
My left toe is stubbed. The nail split in half, bleeding. The blood marries my puke. You can barely tell the difference after a few moments. I’m just tired. Actually, tired doesn’t begin to explain how brutally exhausted I feel. I’m wallowing in more than just my own filth, dirt and plasma. And I’m doing more than just wallowing. Try drowning. At some level this seems completely palapable. Even normal.
After what seems like an eternity I manage to pull myself up, turn the shower knob and wash it all away. The noodles put up fierce resistance at the drain. Much like I do under the cold shower. It’s freezing, seems alien and foreboding. But it’s done. Before I know it I’m on my mattress. Sleep doesn’t come easy though, I’m awake every hour. On the hour.
And all this while I’m thinking. It’s as if every single thing that pissed the living daylights out of me in the last couple of weeks created a rift in my thought process so much so that there was so much more clarity in thought than I’ve had in the last four years. I could feel a warm glow when there was none. A calm voice keeping nerves at bay. It was…interesting.
This could be the start of something exceptional. Or my years of hedonism are finally catching up with me leading me to absolute and total craziness. Either way, this should be fun if not completely vague and almost totally indescribable. It’s amazing what a pack of poisonous noodles can do for you apart from well, poisoning you.
Now Listening To: 13 & God – Superman on Ice
Thought of the Day
16 NovWe are anonymous. We are Legion. For each that falls, ten shall take his place.
We do not forgive. We do not forget. We are everywhere and we are nowhere. We cannot be found. We cannot be fought. We cannot be counted. We cannot be named.
Unless we post this message on a public blog or forum on which our personal details exist. Oh shi…!!!
