Tag Archives: women
Around 0100 hours, Saturday, March 12…
He: Dude, I can’t believe I drank so much!
Me: What did you have?
He: I had…*hic* four King Fisher Strongs!
Me: Yeah given your tolerance, that’s a lot.
He (slurring and stumbling): I also had, 4 glasses of champagne!
He: Yeah man. I couldn’t help myself, she was telling me to. I couldn’t say no.
He: Boss. Try to understand, it was her birthday! I couldn’t refuse. I rarely meet her.
Me: What does that have to do with getting sloshed?
He: I…I just….just couldn’t say no to her.
Me: Given your previous experiences with women, I’m not surprised.
Me: So on a scale of one to ten, how’d you rate her?
He: Hmmm…an 8!
Me: Not more? You seem to have had a good time.
He: No man, I can’t. She’s a friend from school.
Me: So what’s stopping you?
He: No! She’s from school. So no.
Me: That was like, 10 years ago man.
He: I can’t look at her that way!
Me: Ass, you already have, giving her an 8 and all that.
He (shouting): Yeah but she’s from school! Else she’d be a 10!
It’s 5: 22 AM.
By the time I’m done typing this post, it’ll be close to 6 AM on a Monday morning if not already past it.
Needless to say, things are pretty messed up if you find yourself in front of your computer screen in a post-sleep, caffeine and Gatorade fueled haze in a vain, almost cursory attempt at trying to be coherent on a blog that has been, of late a dumping ground for perverse jokes and randomness instead of doing the 24465476879346322154667799 other things that do matter in a life span that’s relatively short and useless relative to the great scheme of things in the universe.
Read that last paragraph? 4 lines. One sentence. Good-bye coherency and sense, I barely knew you.
Then again, it joins the ranks of seemingly important, high priority entities that I’ve lost a grip on. I feel directionless, burned out and on the verge of , if not already in, some sick, twisted form of misery and depression.
Amazing isn’t it? Close to 2 years ago I thought I won the proverbial lottery in the most literal sense possible. I was in an industry I loved working on things that mattered and making a difference. Or so I thought.
Right now everything leading up to this moment seems completely disjointed, a rambling Frankenstein-like specimen stitched together by delusions of self-worth. Everything seems to be colored in monotony. Waking up is a chore, getting to work even a bigger one, surviving the day, the biggest of all. And it makes me wonder.
You know that in superhero flicks and comics there’s a prolonged period of struggle before they finally manage to find a way to defeat their villains right? This period of my life seems like those 5-10 pages or the odd thirty minutes of celluloid struggle. On constant loop. A rerun of cheap satire that’s probably keeping some alien race entertained as they’re watching from high above, a comedic filler giving their aspirations of galactic domination a massive boost if this was an indicator of how the rest of humanity pans out.
I’m just tired. Frayed. And seven shades of shit rolled into one convenient package that’s prevented from hitting the fan due to a heady mix of music, video games, anime, coffee and alcohol. But for how long?
There’s only so much an IQ of 160 severed by a dominant right-brain can do. Couple that with a personal life that’s as healthy as a dead person and social life where the high point is getting sloshed on a Saturday night leads me to believe that I need a change. A change of everything. A change from everyone. A change absolutely wholesale.
I need to find a way out. Before life becomes the death of me. Until a suitable solution is found I’ll be busy helping stone golems discover who they were before they became well…stone golems.
Oh what do you know? It’s 6:40 AM. Am I Nostradamus or what?
Now Listening To: Queens of the Stone Age – In the Fade
Sometime, just around quitting time, February 18th.
Her: Would you like to see my niece?
Him: How would I see them? You’re wearing pants.
Slackerninja: *facepalm* Dude, that’s actually grounds for sexual harassment.
Him: The parts for harassment are above the knees.
Slackerninja: *double facepalm*
Work could be a fire-breathing dragon, except spewing shit out instead. Women can end up being evil enough to give Skeletor, Hitler and Lucifer an inferiority complex and the best friends you have would never take the advice they so sorely need doing their best Anne Frank impersonation in the process.
However even when everything is a glorified clusterfuck of historical figures and mythological beasts you can always come home, pop-in some sweet music, kick back a few vodka-cranberries and the world is suddenly a better place. Which it always was. You just realized that things have never changed.
Now Listening To: A Red Season Shade – Ghosts & Clouds
The final part in this epic saga of awesomeness. Maybe.
Sherrie: ahoy hoy
slackerninja: hey sup?
Sherrie: btw why exactly can’t women be ninjas?
slackerninja: THEY CANNOT! THEY DO NOT EXIST
Sherrie: what tha???
slackerninja: It’s like trying to say people get drunk on wine and white chocolate exists
Sherrie: but manga tells us otherwise!
slackerninja: or Lady Gaga is female
Sherrie: er, yes drunk on wine…
slackerninja: in your dreams
Sherrie: but i’m just saying, women are generally stealthier than men?
slackerninja: no…fatter doesn’t mean stealthier
Note to self: I still wonder how I survived that particular conversation, think it had something to do with my copious consumption of Absolut Raspberry. And cranberry juice.
Insert appropriate The Departed reference here.
Now Listening To: Spoon – Got Nuffin
Rishi: So Game4U’s going to be on TV.
Lehar: Nice! How’d that happen?
Rishi: Christina and I are ninjas.
Lehar: Oh! So if Christina is a ninja you concede that ninjas can be female?
Rishi: I said she was ninja. Not female.
Lehar: Oh she is one. Trust me. I know.
Rishi: Dude, too much information.
Note to self: Train rides with office people are hazardous to mental health and imagination.
Now Listening To: Solid Gold – Bible Thumper
[10/1/2009 3:54:36 PM] Lehar says: i object
Now with bonus SouthPark reference!
[10/1/2009 3:54:36 PM] Lehar says: i object
[10/1/2009 3:54:47 PM] Lehar says: i object to Game4uNinja being male
[10/1/2009 3:54:58 PM] randal.pereira says: Only ninjas can be male
[10/1/2009 3:55:00 PM] Lehar says: thts downright sexist
[10/1/2009 3:55:03 PM] Lehar says: and no
[10/1/2009 3:55:05 PM] randal.pereira says: So if you want to be one….
[10/1/2009 3:55:07 PM] Lehar says: thr r female ninjas
[10/1/2009 3:55:14 PM] randal.pereira says: It’s not sexist if i’m giving you a solution
[10/1/2009 3:55:17 PM] Lehar says: info for ur tiny male brainn
[10/1/2009 3:55:30 PM] randal.pereira says: O RLY?
[10/1/2009 3:55:36 PM] Lehar says:
[10/1/2009 3:55:47 PM] randal.pereira says: heads up rishi is headed ur way
[10/1/2009 4:07:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: Seriously
[10/1/2009 4:07:16 PM] rishi.alwani says: Women Ninjas lol
[10/1/2009 4:07:31 PM] rishi.alwani says: next thing we’d be wondering if Dolphins are smart
[10/1/2009 4:07:44 PM] alexander.gounder says:
[10/1/2009 4:07:50 PM] rishi.alwani says: (which they are not because they get caught in plastic can rings )
[10/1/2009 4:08:02 PM] Lehar says: they are intelligent
[10/1/2009 4:08:11 PM] Lehar says: they just dont knw plastic rings exist
[10/1/2009 4:08:12 PM] Lehar says:
[10/1/2009 4:08:16 PM] Lehar says: ggrrrr……
[10/1/2009 4:08:17 PM] rishi.alwani says: *yawn *
[10/1/2009 4:08:39 PM] alexander.gounder says: Wht Plastic rings
[10/1/2009 4:08:40 PM] rishi.alwani says: Well at least they’re smarter than people who think that women ninjas exist
[10/1/2009 4:08:45 PM] Lehar says: :O
[10/1/2009 4:08:52 PM] rishi.alwani says: heads up: the tooth fairy and santa claus are a lie
[10/1/2009 4:08:52 PM] Lehar says: female ninjas exist!!!!!!!!!!111
[10/1/2009 4:08:57 PM] Lehar says: ur frigging google says tht
[10/1/2009 4:09:10 PM] rishi.alwani says: And that there is no such thing as equality, parity or being fair
[10/1/2009 4:09:11 PM] rishi.alwani says: sorry
[10/1/2009 4:09:16 PM] rishi.alwani says: the world is not round
[10/1/2009 4:09:17 PM] rishi.alwani says: it is flat
[10/1/2009 4:09:18 PM] alexander.gounder says: Rishi google is urs!!
[10/1/2009 4:09:19 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:09:26 PM] rishi.alwani says: nah
[10/1/2009 4:09:28 PM] rishi.alwani says: wordpress
[10/1/2009 4:09:29 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:09:31 PM] Lehar says: good mornign alex
[10/1/2009 4:09:32 PM] rishi.alwani says: \m/
[10/1/2009 4:09:46 PM] Lehar says: in a sense i get ur flat world
[10/1/2009 4:09:56 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:09:56 PM] rishi.alwani says: Flat Out
[10/1/2009 4:09:57 PM] Lehar says: but as thy say, be the change u want
[10/1/2009 4:10:02 PM] rishi.alwani says: OHMFG
[10/1/2009 4:10:03 PM] alexander.gounder says: good afternoon “gurl who thinks women ninjas exist”
[10/1/2009 4:10:03 PM] Lehar says: so be fair, u’ll get fair
[10/1/2009 4:10:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: wtf
[10/1/2009 4:10:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: “be the change you want”
[10/1/2009 4:10:13 PM] rishi.alwani says: lol
[10/1/2009 4:10:21 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar teaching us how to live
[10/1/2009 4:10:29 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar of Change
[10/1/2009 4:10:33 PM] Lehar says: the world is round
[10/1/2009 4:10:38 PM] rishi.alwani says: (i have only 10s, no change btw )
[10/1/2009 4:10:39 PM] Lehar says: wht goes arnd comes around
[10/1/2009 4:10:54 PM] Lehar says: ha ha
[10/1/2009 4:10:55 PM] Lehar says: not funny
[10/1/2009 4:10:56 PM] Lehar says: lame
[10/1/2009 4:11:01 PM] Lehar says:
[10/1/2009 4:11:09 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar of Lame4U
[10/1/2009 4:11:12 PM] alexander.gounder says: seriously not funny… lame…
[10/1/2009 4:11:26 PM] alexander.gounder says: lame like the idea of women ninjas
[10/1/2009 4:11:31 PM] Lehar says: i am going to take revenge for this
[10/1/2009 4:11:38 PM] Lehar says: with my FEMALE ninja team
[10/1/2009 4:11:44 PM] alexander.gounder says:
[10/1/2009 4:11:57 PM] rishi.alwani says: No you’re not Russel Crowe from the Gladiator, you can’t pull off saying that line and be cool
[10/1/2009 4:12:00 PM] alexander.gounder says: yeah we will wait for such a time
[10/1/2009 4:12:13 PM] Lehar says: yeah
[10/1/2009 4:12:16 PM] Lehar says: keep waiting
[10/1/2009 4:12:32 PM] rishi.alwani says: No we’re not. We’re busy being Ninjas. You can be too
[10/1/2009 4:12:34 PM] rishi.alwani says: OHWAITAMINIT
[10/1/2009 4:12:35 PM] rishi.alwani says:
[10/1/2009 4:12:44 PM] alexander.gounder says: keep waiting… because female ninjas don’t exist
[10/1/2009 4:13:00 PM] Lehar says: ggrrr….
[10/1/2009 4:13:17 PM] Lehar says: uff!
[10/1/2009 4:14:06 PM] *** rishi.alwani has changed the chat topic to “Female Ninjas: Pre–order now at Lame4U (contact St. Lehar for details)!”
Now Listening: Foo Fighters – Word Forward
It was one of those nights where you felt the need to grab a drink, play some Jenga and have some conversation. So when the sisterbot, Trosseau Lady and myself made our way to Bootlegger’s we were greeted by a site that was anything but that. Instead we were greeted to a scene right out of a Roman orgy minus the women.
You read that right, men grinding with other men, men throwing (imaginary) notes at other men as if they were at a dance bar, men forcing other men to get up and dance with them and if i saw right, dirty dancing even.
Now that i come to think of it, 9 days after the alcohol of that night had drained itself from my body (replaced with ice cream, vodka and whiskey), they weren’t men. No they weren’t men at all.Try boys.
Yes, boys, probably first timers at a night club. The sort who’re just fresh out of school. In this case probably a school where any term related to the female species was met with immediate expulsion and solid spanking by some emo-male teacher who was hit by his mom, molested by his uncle and has a high pitch voice.
While Trosseau Lady and the sisterbot were ogling with ardent curiousity, yours truly was busy connecting his face to his palm in abject disgust wondering if this would be the fate of men if women ceased to exist. For those few hours it did seem like it (present company included*).
Did i forget to mention a faux ramp walk, sliding across the floors and general douche baggery that would fit in with a gay bar, which Bootlegger’s is certainly not. Maybe the management was under the Elton John/George Michael/ Bobby Darling Defense Force?
Either way, it’s going to be a cold day in hell before i go back to Bootlegger’s. Unless i start exhibiting tendencies towards chick flicks, sip on pink drinks with umbrellas, walk crooked and proclaim Brokeback Mountain to be my favorite movie. Till then i’ll be having my alcohol elsewhere.
Oh and for those precious few women who aren’t prone to ogling as if they were examining some new species of baboons or rhesus monkeys, you have, on behalf of heterosexual side of man kind, my sincerest apologies.
*yes i really meant that, after all what do you expect when you're with a gal who's about to get hitched and your sister as well?