Tag Archives: work

…And We’re Back!

15 Nov

Your PC, Right Now- Slackerninja’s Freestyle Dojo announces Slackerninja’s return. With the fury of a thousand uppity John Cleese’s melting down in classic Fawlty Towers rage everyone’s favorite slacker and ninja makes his much awaited return to the blogosphere after a much needed hiatus due to a wide range of issues that he needed to tackle namely work woes, women, alcohol and all the trappings that usually lead to the downfall of up and coming artists. Also, lack of time to blog and an overdose of micro-blogging aka Twitter.

Since he’s put these problems behind him he will be back regularly with a lot of venom and vigor than expected from a jaded six year blogger who’s seen it all from rick rolls to flame wars and even the occasional civil conversation. Internet drama aside he’s had an eventful year with a job switch, more games than you can shake a stick at, realizations about the company he keeps and enough liquor to make Lindsay Lohan, Amy Winehouse and the entire cast of Jersey Shore appear sober (yes, that much).

“Yes he’s back and he’s got a lot to say. In fact at the moment he’s prepping new material for the upcoming 7th season and he’s asked me to read out this statement to all you fans:

We’re no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of

You wouldn’t get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We’ve know each other for so long

Your heart’s been aching

But you’re too shy to say it

Inside we both know what’s been going on

We know the game and we’re gonna play it

And if you ask me how I’m feeling

Don’t tell me you’re too blind to see

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

He also asked me to say,”You got rickrolled!”…sonofa..” were the last words Rishi Alwani said as he burst into an almost cataclysmic rage and entered a state of catatonic shock.

Slackerninja’s new season begins now and welcomes all and sundry. Geeks, gamers, hot women preferred.

About SLACKERNINJA

SLACKERNINJA’s Freestyle Dojo and Parallel Universe is a leading developer, publisher and manufacturer of internet trolling, geekery and failed attempts at comedy, writing and awesome. Slackerninja’s likes include video games, anime, movies, almost every kind of music and ranting.The latest information about SLACKERNINJA can be found on the web at http://www.slackerninja.com. SLACKERNINJA is a publicly traded person based in Mumbai with subsidiary offices on twitter (@slackerninja) and facebook (facebook.com/slackerninja). SLACKERNINJA CORPORATION is traded on the internet under the ticker symbol AWESOME. Details of the products published by SLACKERNINJA can be found at http://www.slackerninja.com.

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Wednesday Happened

23 May

“If you’re going for it, don’t be a hero and just say you’re going for it.”

“Dude, if I were going for it I’d say I was. Heck you’d know if I was. Haven’t you watched any old school Hindi flicks? You CAN TELL who the hero is in one glance.”

Sure the conversation above was in reference to something completely different (which may or may not involve women). But it is apt for my current conundrum. Either way things can get pretty disturbing when you’re told “TRUST ME” in a context that’s purely professional. You can’t tell where some people stand. Even if they apparently have the best intentions.

So yes, the “talk” happened with decibel breakage (mainly from my side) as well leading to more than a few people wondering what was going on cementing my belief that the best of intentions are hindered by compromise and other crap needed to make a system work. Or at least have a semblance of function.

On the bright side I was a recipient of a few hilarious text messages, the best of which was “Lol, coming for lunch?”.  Regardless of the outcome, I feel it’s time to level up. There’s so much I want to do. So little time to do it. Too little of it to waste bickering with a bunch of trolls.

Oh and I’m “overly aggressive”.

LOL.

Now Listening To: Bear Lake – You’re Only Waiting

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Solution

17 May

So I think I’ve stumbled upon a solution to my little problem. I put in my papers. Got a haircut. Sampled some fine beer. Yes in that order but in the timespan that would’ve been apt.

Most of the week went by without a hitch what with the bossman a little too busy to question my sudden need for departure.  Dreading it though. I find the phrase “we need to talk” the most frightful one in the dictionary right after “we need to talk about your financials”. Fun times ahead. HR’s reaction was typical. Livid, contorted expression followed by the mandatory “I have to tell boss”.

On the bright side I do feel a lot lighter and happier already. Amazing what the mere words “I quit” can do for one’s psyche.

This  is going to be interesting what with an appraisal form dropping into my inbox which apparently needs to be filled up. I have a feeling the “suggestions and challenges faced” section is going to rival the Lord of the Rings in length. Unsurprising, given the amount of shit that’s been flying around. But then again, do I really give a damn?

Eight hours to Monday morning, and I’m actually looking forward to the confrontation the week brings. I must be some kind of masochist. You know the type who likes prolonged, draining mental and perhaps even emotional trauma. Fun.

Now Listening To: Bear Lake – You’re Only Waiting

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*sigh*

10 May

It’s 5: 22 AM.

By the time I’m done typing this post, it’ll be close to 6 AM on a Monday morning if not already past it.

Needless to say, things are pretty messed up if you find yourself in front of your computer screen in a post-sleep, caffeine and Gatorade fueled haze in a vain, almost cursory attempt at trying to be coherent on a blog that has been, of late a dumping ground for perverse jokes and randomness instead of doing the 24465476879346322154667799 other things that do matter in a life span that’s relatively short and useless relative to the great scheme of things in the universe.

Read that last paragraph? 4 lines. One sentence. Good-bye coherency and sense, I barely knew you.

Then again, it joins the ranks of seemingly important, high priority entities that I’ve lost a grip on. I feel directionless, burned out and on the verge of , if not already in, some sick, twisted form of misery and depression.

Amazing isn’t it? Close to 2 years ago I thought I won the proverbial lottery in the most literal sense possible. I was in an industry I loved working on things that mattered and making a difference. Or so I thought.

Right now everything leading up to this moment seems completely disjointed, a rambling Frankenstein-like specimen stitched together by delusions of self-worth. Everything seems to be colored in monotony. Waking up is a chore, getting to work even a bigger one, surviving the day, the biggest of all. And it makes me wonder.

You know that in superhero flicks and comics there’s a prolonged period of struggle before they finally manage to find a way to defeat their villains right? This period of my life seems like those 5-10 pages or the odd thirty minutes of celluloid struggle. On constant loop. A rerun of cheap satire that’s probably keeping some alien race entertained as they’re watching from high above, a comedic filler giving their aspirations of galactic domination a massive boost if this was an indicator of how the rest of humanity pans out.

I’m just tired. Frayed. And seven shades of shit rolled into one convenient package that’s prevented from hitting the fan due to a heady mix of music, video games, anime, coffee and alcohol. But for how long?

There’s only so much an IQ of 160 severed by a dominant right-brain can do. Couple that with a personal life that’s as healthy as a dead person and social life where the high point is getting sloshed on a Saturday night leads me to believe that I need a change. A change of everything. A change from everyone. A change absolutely wholesale.

I need to find a way out. Before life becomes the death of me. Until a suitable solution is found I’ll be busy helping stone golems discover who they were before they became well…stone golems.

Stone Golems. Making hating pigeons cool since forever.

Oh what do you know? It’s 6:40 AM. Am I Nostradamus or what?

Now Listening To: Queens of the Stone Age – In the Fade

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Overheard at Work Volume I

1 May

Dear blog,

Seems I’ve been spending too much time on Twitter. But don’t fret, it all leads up to moments that are valuable fodder for you and you alone. Oh maybe for the non-existent traversers of the internet who may chance upon this post of sheer awesome. And by awesome I mean a copy-paste a well edited and thought out compilation of what’s been going on in the Twatterverse Twitterverse.

So without further adieu to quote everyone’s favorite electronic duo, HERE WE GO!

‘I complimented her…in a parallel universe.’

‘All you guys are at your phones busy getting anti-social.’

‘I do not call it a pipe. I call it a straw.’

‘We can use profanity at work. That’s fucking awesome!’

“You didn’t “overhear it” someone told it to you!” #GG

“Do something for the kids!!!”

“It’s a Macbook Pro, it’s for PRO users.” #applefans

‘Would you like to taste my tasty nut?”

‘Better than you and your frilly underwear.’ #wtf

I work in a tweet worthy place. RT @gounder Heard at work: @slackerninja, i’m gonna call you tweetie cause you tweat a lot…

” The similarity between life & my left butt cheek…neither are right nor fair.”

“Don’t you know me by now? I’m not soft.”

“The Resident Evil video game did well right? That’s great for a movie based franchise.”

“If you’re a member, bring your member for a 50% discount on services offered”.

“Even if you’re vegetarian you cannot eat without a plate.”

“It has nothing to do with size…I’m telling you man to man”.

So as you can see, it’s all been done for your well-being and all-round epic win. Having said that I shall furnish you with more posts regularly lest you do to me what Elin does to Tiger Woods in Southpark.

Pwnt Ho!

Now Listening To: The Chemical Brothers – The Test

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Harassment

4 Mar

Sometime,  just around quitting time, February 18th.

Her: Would you like to see my niece?

Him: How would I see them? You’re wearing pants.

Slackerninja: *facepalm* Dude, that’s actually grounds for sexual harassment.

Him: The parts for harassment are above the knees.

Her: Whaaaa?

Slackerninja: *double facepalm*

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Character Representation

23 Feb

Work could be a fire-breathing dragon, except spewing shit out instead. Women can end up being evil enough to give Skeletor, Hitler and Lucifer an inferiority complex and the best friends you have would never take the advice they so sorely need doing their best Anne Frank impersonation in the process.

However even when everything is a glorified clusterfuck of historical figures and mythological beasts you can always come home, pop-in some sweet music, kick back a few vodka-cranberries and the world is suddenly a better place. Which it always was. You just realized that things have never changed.

Just people.

Now Listening To: A Red Season Shade – Ghosts & Clouds

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Why Women Can’t Be Ninjas Part III

4 Feb

The final part in this epic saga of awesomeness. Maybe.

Sherrie: ahoy hoy

slackerninja: hey sup?

Sherrie: you have the funniest convos

slackerninja: totally

Sherrie: btw why exactly can’t women be ninjas?

slackerninja: THEY CANNOT! THEY DO NOT EXIST

Sherrie: what tha???

slackerninja: It’s like trying to say people get drunk on wine and white chocolate exists

Sherrie: but manga tells us otherwise!

slackerninja: or Lady Gaga is female

Sherrie: er, yes drunk on wine…

slackerninja: in your dreams

Sherrie: but i’m just saying, women are generally stealthier than men?

slackerninja: no…fatter doesn’t mean stealthier

Note to self: I still wonder how I survived that particular conversation, think it had something to do with  my copious consumption of Absolut Raspberry. And cranberry juice.

Insert appropriate The Departed reference here.

Now Listening To: Spoon – Got Nuffin

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Why Women Can’t Be Ninjas Part II

1 Feb

Rishi: So Game4U’s going to be on TV.

Lehar: Nice! How’d that happen?

Rishi: Christina and I are ninjas.

Lehar: Oh! So if Christina is a ninja you concede that ninjas can be female?

Rishi: I said she was ninja. Not female.

Lehar: Oh she is one. Trust me. I know.

Rishi: Dude, too much information.

Note to self: Train rides with office people are hazardous to mental health and imagination.

Now Listening To: Solid Gold – Bible Thumper

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Why Women Can’t Be Ninjas…

31 Jan

Now with bonus SouthPark reference!

[10/1/2009 3:54:36 PM] Lehar says: i object
[10/1/2009 3:54:47 PM] Lehar says: i object to Game4uNinja being male
[10/1/2009 3:54:58 PM] randal.pereira says: Only ninjas can be male
[10/1/2009 3:55:00 PM] Lehar says: thts downright sexist
[10/1/2009 3:55:03 PM] Lehar says: and no
[10/1/2009 3:55:05 PM] randal.pereira says: So if you want to be one….
[10/1/2009 3:55:07 PM] Lehar says: thr r female ninjas
[10/1/2009 3:55:14 PM] randal.pereira says: It’s not sexist if i’m giving you a solution ;)
[10/1/2009 3:55:17 PM] Lehar says: info for ur tiny male brainn
[10/1/2009 3:55:30 PM] randal.pereira says: O RLY?
[10/1/2009 3:55:36 PM] Lehar says: :D
[10/1/2009 3:55:47 PM] randal.pereira says: heads up rishi is headed ur way
[10/1/2009 4:07:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: Seriously
[10/1/2009 4:07:16 PM] rishi.alwani says: Women Ninjas lol
[10/1/2009 4:07:31 PM] rishi.alwani says: next thing we’d be wondering if Dolphins are smart
[10/1/2009 4:07:44 PM] alexander.gounder says: :D
[10/1/2009 4:07:50 PM] rishi.alwani says: (which they are not because they get caught in plastic can rings )
[10/1/2009 4:08:02 PM] Lehar says: they are intelligent
[10/1/2009 4:08:11 PM] Lehar says: they just dont knw plastic rings exist
[10/1/2009 4:08:12 PM] Lehar says: :P
[10/1/2009 4:08:16 PM] Lehar says: ggrrrr……
[10/1/2009 4:08:17 PM] rishi.alwani says: *yawn *
[10/1/2009 4:08:39 PM] alexander.gounder says: Wht Plastic rings
[10/1/2009 4:08:40 PM] rishi.alwani says: Well at least they’re smarter than people who think that women ninjas exist
[10/1/2009 4:08:45 PM] Lehar says: :O
[10/1/2009 4:08:52 PM] rishi.alwani says: heads up: the tooth fairy and santa claus are a lie
[10/1/2009 4:08:52 PM] Lehar says: female ninjas exist!!!!!!!!!!111
[10/1/2009 4:08:57 PM] Lehar says: ur frigging google says tht :P
[10/1/2009 4:09:10 PM] rishi.alwani says: And that there is no such thing as equality, parity or being fair
[10/1/2009 4:09:11 PM] rishi.alwani says: sorry
[10/1/2009 4:09:16 PM] rishi.alwani says: the world is not round
[10/1/2009 4:09:17 PM] rishi.alwani says: it is flat
[10/1/2009 4:09:18 PM] alexander.gounder says: Rishi google is urs!!
[10/1/2009 4:09:19 PM] rishi.alwani says: :)
[10/1/2009 4:09:26 PM] rishi.alwani says: nah
[10/1/2009 4:09:28 PM] rishi.alwani says: wordpress
[10/1/2009 4:09:29 PM] rishi.alwani says: :D
[10/1/2009 4:09:31 PM] Lehar says: good mornign alex :P
[10/1/2009 4:09:32 PM] rishi.alwani says: \m/
[10/1/2009 4:09:46 PM] Lehar says: in a sense i get ur flat world
[10/1/2009 4:09:56 PM] rishi.alwani says: :D
[10/1/2009 4:09:56 PM] rishi.alwani says: Flat Out
[10/1/2009 4:09:57 PM] Lehar says: but as thy say, be the change u want
[10/1/2009 4:10:02 PM] rishi.alwani says: OHMFG
[10/1/2009 4:10:03 PM] alexander.gounder says: good afternoon “gurl who thinks women ninjas exist”
[10/1/2009 4:10:03 PM] Lehar says: so be fair, u’ll get fair
[10/1/2009 4:10:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: wtf
[10/1/2009 4:10:12 PM] rishi.alwani says: “be the change you want”
[10/1/2009 4:10:13 PM] rishi.alwani says: lol
[10/1/2009 4:10:21 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar teaching us how to live :P
[10/1/2009 4:10:29 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar of Change
[10/1/2009 4:10:33 PM] Lehar says: the world is round
[10/1/2009 4:10:38 PM] rishi.alwani says: (i have only 10s, no change btw )
[10/1/2009 4:10:39 PM] Lehar says: wht goes arnd comes around
[10/1/2009 4:10:54 PM] Lehar says: ha ha
[10/1/2009 4:10:55 PM] Lehar says: not funny
[10/1/2009 4:10:56 PM] Lehar says: lame
[10/1/2009 4:11:01 PM] Lehar says: :|
[10/1/2009 4:11:09 PM] rishi.alwani says: St. Lehar of Lame4U :P
[10/1/2009 4:11:12 PM] alexander.gounder says: seriously not funny… lame…
[10/1/2009 4:11:26 PM] alexander.gounder says: lame like the idea of women ninjas
[10/1/2009 4:11:31 PM] Lehar says: i am going to take revenge for this
[10/1/2009 4:11:38 PM] Lehar says: with my FEMALE ninja team :P :P
[10/1/2009 4:11:44 PM] alexander.gounder says: :)
[10/1/2009 4:11:57 PM] rishi.alwani says: No you’re not Russel Crowe from the Gladiator, you can’t pull off saying that line and be cool :P
[10/1/2009 4:12:00 PM] alexander.gounder says: yeah we will wait for such a time
[10/1/2009 4:12:13 PM] Lehar says: yeah
[10/1/2009 4:12:16 PM] Lehar says: keep waiting
[10/1/2009 4:12:32 PM] rishi.alwani says: No we’re not. We’re busy being Ninjas. You can be too
[10/1/2009 4:12:34 PM] rishi.alwani says: OHWAITAMINIT
[10/1/2009 4:12:35 PM] rishi.alwani says: :P
[10/1/2009 4:12:44 PM] alexander.gounder says: keep waiting… because female ninjas don’t exist
[10/1/2009 4:13:00 PM] Lehar says: ggrrr….
[10/1/2009 4:13:17 PM] Lehar says: uff!
[10/1/2009 4:14:06 PM] *** rishi.alwani has changed the chat topic to “Female Ninjas: Pre–order now at Lame4U (contact St. Lehar for details)!”

Now Listening: Foo Fighters – Word Forward

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